Everything knocked down

Last Monday, we started a complete main bathroom renovation, which means I won’t be able to indulge in hot bubble baths before bed (one of my favorite simple pleasures), and my most private spaces, my bedroom and bathroom, have been invaded by strangers. My dog doesn’t know what to think (she needs to bark a lot, but then maybe lick everyone???), and my peaceful days haven’t been very peaceful. The renovation is necessary (we had a leak inside a wall and the old tub was a death trap), and it will give us the chance to update the space and make it just what we want.  It’s going to be beautiful, but the process is messy, noisy, and disruptive. That’s what it takes to make a BIG change.

As you know, I’m a fan of baby steps to get where you want to go, but sometimes you have to knock everything down and start from scratch. 

Renovating a bathroom is not unlike renovating a life.

Right now, I’m standing in the rubble of my previous life as well as the rubble of my bathroom. I’ve racked up a lot of losses and big changes over the past few years, and a couple of those losses have impacted my identity—who I see myself as. I’m no longer a horse owner (though I still consider myself a horsewoman). I recently lost my freelance business’s last paying client (though I also still consider myself a writer). I moved from my home of 28 years into a much smaller place—no longer can we accommodate multiple overnight guests and big family get-togethers. Our hosting experiences will have to look different.

It’s a lot to absorb and perhaps I shouldn’t feel surprised that I don’t know where I want to go from here while feeling distressed by all the demolition! 

Unseen work

A lot of the work being done on the bathroom, such as plumbing and electrical, is essential but won’t be visible to the eye once the project is finished. Careful attention to the unseen and unglamorous details is necessary if you want the result to function well in the long term. It doesn’t matter how pretty your tile is if you have to rip it out to repair a leak or an electrical problem. I think of that the same way I think of the internal work I’m doing with myself. I’m currently in a place of reevaluation. Again. What do I want to do with my time? How can I best use the resources I have? And I can’t believe I’m asking this again, but who do I want to be?

And no matter how impatient I am to try out my new bathroom, I have to remember that big overhauls take time. Even when you dread living through the mess and inconvenience, it takes the time it takes, and rushing will only cause problems. If I dive into new commitments without the necessary foundational work, I may regret rushing into something that won’t be a good fit.

It also comforts me to realize that even when you do knock everything down and start over, the entire change doesn’t happen all at once. It occurs over the course of weeks or months and through many tiny decisions (my beloved baby steps again). A lot of thinking through choices happens, and little details get ironed out. Taking time to be thoughtful about these choices now will bring me happiness in years to come. Just as taking time to ponder my future direction may help ensure that it’s one I’m happy with for the long haul.

How can it be wonderful?

Sometimes the remodeling of a life comes about like the remodeling of a bathroom: because of an unexpected and/or unwanted event, like a leak in the wall. When you have to fix one thing, you may stop and look at everything. Is this the time to change it all up? How can it be wonderful, not just functional or patched together? Yes, you’ll have limits of time and money, but what is actually feasible in the space? In your life? Perhaps now is the time to dare to think bigger and better.

I’ll probably have a new bathroom before I have the answers to these questions, but at least I’ve started asking them.

Any big changes going on in your life? Drop a comment below if you want to share!

Photo by Svitlana on Unsplash

I’ve spent less time than usual online lately (unless you count shopping for bathroom fixtures—we’re renovating our main bathroom), but I do have a few little online treats for you today. Hope you find something here that brightens your day or makes you think (in a positive way)! Get cozy and dive in. 

Click here to learn how you can change your life (or at least make a few little changes) before 2026. 

Support your mental health with these simple pleasures. 

Thoughtful list of “10 Things We’ll Regret When We’re Older.” 

Since we’re entering “cozy season” soon (I hope), check out “This Is What “Cozy” Looks Like Around the World.” As the article says, “Seeing ‘coziness’ take on so many different forms shows this concept’s more about a mindset than an aesthetic.” 

I like Morgan Harper Nichols’ take on “creating an archive” rather than “getting inspired.” 

I’m technically a little older (ahem) than “midlife,” but I still feel like I’m learning these habits. 

I absolutely feel the pressure described below in “The Tension Between Rest and Living Fully” (one of my favorite quotes: “A full life isn’t the same as a full calendar.”)

Happy Friday, everyone!

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

It might seem strange that I love fall so much since I’ve lived my entire life in states (California, Florida) that don’t have significant changes during that season. I trace that infatuation to my eight-year-old self’s astonishment when I saw trees decked out in bright yellows and reds while visiting my grandmother in Virginia one October. I instantly fell in love. I’ve been in love ever since. Crisp air, colorful leaves, a season of harvest and gratitude—what’s not to love? 

So how does a Florida girl make it feel like fall? By using the five senses to manufacture it.

Fall and the five senses

Maybe in Florida we don’t have the quintessential fall sight of color-changing leaves, but there are changes in the slant of the light. We look outside and say, “It looks like fall.” Other ways to focus on the sense of sight include watching movies set in the fall (vicarious leaf peeping!), decorating the house with fall-themed items, doing a fall jigsaw puzzle, or going to a pumpkin patch to sketch or just enjoy the fall decorations.

Fall scents include burning a candle or diffusing essential oils with fragrances like cinnamon, apple, nutmeg, or pumpkin. Baking fall treats like pumpkin bread or apple cider doughnuts can also make my house smell like fall.

What does fall sound like? In some places, the sound of rain falling or the wind blowing sounds like fall. That’s more a summer thing for us, so I’ve lately been playing cozy ambience music videos on YouTube. Click here and here for a couple of my recent favorites. 

Tastes of the season include the ubiquitous pumpkin spice latte, and the aforementioned fall baked goods, but also how about soups or chili? It will soon be cool enough (fingers crossed) for these types of foods.

Fall touches I’m looking forward to are a fuzzy blanket to curl up under, and definitely the feel of cool, dry air from the first cold front. I can’t wait!

The fall fun list

Another way I welcome fall is by planning out specific activities to enjoy during the fall season, from now until Dec. 21 when winter officially starts. I’m not a Halloween Girl and I don’t like scary stuff, so my fall fun doesn’t involve haunted houses, horror movies, or anything too dark, but if you like that, go for it! My husband always enjoys the expanded scary movie content on TV during October. Here are some fall fun things I’m looking forward to (a few of these items are not directly fall-related, but I want to do them during the fall season):

Put together a fall themed jigsaw puzzle like this one. 

Enjoy watching Lightning hockey and Buccaneers football on TV. I like sports and use them to bond with family members. I’m excited that I can finally watch Lightning games after being unable to for a couple of years since the team changed the company that airs their games locally.  

Attend the Hillsborough County Fair. In all my 30+ years of living in Hillsborough County, I’ve only gone to this fair twice. Since the larger state fair is near us, we often don’t think of attending the county fair.

Bake fall treats. Last year I didn’t get around to making persimmon cookies, so I’m going to try again this year. I also plan to bake at least one loaf of pumpkin bread.

Choose a 2026 planner. I watch planner videos because it’s fun, but I also get helpful knowledge to help me make my choice. Since I use my planner every day, and take a lot of pleasure in doing so, making a good choice makes a difference and I like to take my time and enjoy the process. 

Enjoy the annual The Girl Next Door fall extravaganza podcast. These two are so much fun to listen to, and I love their annual look at all things fall. 

Ease back into visits to the barn. No horse can ever replace Tank, but I still love horses and am lucky enough to have access to them through my friend who owns the barn where Tank lived. I want to start going there now and then to get my horse fix.

Create a small photo album of special Tank photos. A thoughtful friend gave me an album for this purpose, and I’ll enjoy choosing photos to represent our time together. (I’ve already compiled a short video montage of photos for Instagram.) 

Continue and expand my art education and practice through regular sketching, art journaling, and using the art instruction books I have. I want to do artsy things most days of the week.

Participate in Positively Present’s annual Gratitude Challenge (link is to last year’s challenge). 

Read from my fall reading list (see below).

(For previous years’ fall fun lists, click here and here.) 

Did you say fall reading list?

I’ve never made a fall reading list before, but they seem to be popping up all over. Why not join in? My list is a combination of “books that feel like fall,” including Gothic or dark academia, as well as non-fiction that helps me learn something (going back to school vibes). I’m also including books from my TBR shelf I’d like to read before the end of the year. (TBR shelf books marked with *)

I thought The Accidental Alchemist by Gigi Pandian, described as a “supernatural cozy” sounded both fun and fallish. 

A new Thursday Murder Club mystery? Yes, please! The Impossible Fortune, by Richard Osman, has 147 people ahead of me waiting for it so it might be a while before I get my hands on it. 

The Thirteenth Tale, Diana Setterfield. Described as “a cozy and literary modern day Gothic mystery with a side of family dysfunction.”  

Lauryn Harper Falls Apart, Shauna Robinson. This sounds like a cozy comfort book, and the apple festival sounds very fall-like. 

*September, Rosamunde Pilcher. I’ve liked other Pilcher novels, and this one sounds like a good choice for fall reading.

*The Small and the Mighty, Sharon McMahon. From “America’s favorite government teacher,” this book tells the stories of 12 “ordinary Americans whose courage formed the character of our country.” 

*Keys to Drawing, Bert Dodson. 

*To the Scaffold: The Life of Marie Antoinette, Carolly Erickson. 

Looking at these lists, I’d better get busy! There’s a lot of fun to be had this fall, and I’m definitely looking for ways to have fun.

What fun things are you planning to do this fall? Any fall reading plans? Do share in the comments below!

Fall reading lists to check out:

Your Fall Reading List Is Here—20 Books We Can’t Stop Talking About 

The PERFECT Autumn Vibes Reading List For 2025

31 spooky (but not too scary) books for your fall reading list

20 Dark Academia novels for moody fall reading

Photo by mosi knife on Unsplash

Watch Mission: Impossible—The Final Reckoning in the theater with my husband. 

Take an in-person yoga class. 

Stay at the beach for the weekend with my husband—we’ve been trying to do this for a couple of years, but I’m confident we’ll actually get there this summer. When you actually stay at the beach, you can get out early before it’s as hot as the surface of the sun, or watch the sunset at night, then go back into air-conditioned comfort.

Make key lime pie ice cream.

Do at least one jigsaw puzzle.

Try some new recipes because I’m sick of what I make for dinner. Though I wouldn’t normally class this as “fun,” I’m trying to find ways to make feeding ourselves more enjoyable.

Celebrate my father-in-law’s 90^th birthday!

Check out our new neighborhood pool. Maybe with a cold drink and a book if they have umbrellas (I can’t remember if they do). (They do.)

I did get together with friends, ate summer fruit like crazy, and, of course, and read up a storm. Which brings me to…

What I read

I’m very happy with how I did with my summer reading list, finishing Kristin Lavransdatter and several other books (TBR shelf selections marked with *):

*Kristin Lavransdatter, Sigrid Unset. This is a chunky book I’ve wanted to read for a while, and I bought a copy so I wouldn’t have to worry about library due dates. I’m going to start it soon, and if I don’t like it, I’ll put it aside. If I do like it, it might take me all summer to read!

*Death and the Dutch Uncle, Patricia Moyes. A book series I enjoy that the library doesn’t have. I’ve collected most of my copies from Paperback Swap. 

Native Nations: A Millennium in North America, Kathleen DuVal. I have a growing interest in learning about the United States’ indigenous people, and this book won the 2025 Pulitzer Prize for history (tied with Edda L. Fields-Black’s COMBEE: Harriet Tubman, the Combahee River Raid, and Black Freedom During the Civil War). 

Run for the Hills, Kevin Wilson. It’s described as “a touching and generous romp of a novel,” which sounds perfect for summer reading. 

Ordinary Time: Lessons Learned While Staying Put, Annie B. Jones. I’m all for honoring the ordinary. 

Heartwood, Amity Gage. Suspense on the Appalachian Trail. This sounds so good! I’m number 69 on the hold list at the library, but hopefully it will come in before the summer ends.

*Daisy Miller and/or Washington Square, Henry James (both books are in the edition I have). According to Goodreads, “Each work weaves an intricate tale of marriage, money, and manners.” 

 Travels with My Aunt, Graham Greene. I’ve not read anything by Graham Greene, and this sounded interesting. 

*Small Victories, Anne Lamott. Lamott’s essays are always thought-provoking and often hilarious. I haven’t read this collection, and I found it in my library’s book store for $2. 

*Bruno, Chief of Police, Martin Walker. Because WHY NOT start a new mystery series?? This one is set in France, so oui, s’il vous plait.

Coming soon: fall fun

While we’re still waiting for our first cold front, I’m determined to find ways to mark the beginning of fall. In Florida, fall is the most fleeting of seasons, but I’ve got a fall fun list in the works to make the most of it. I’ll post it next week (hopefully), along with my first ever fall reading list!

What fun plans do you have for fall?

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been overwhelmed by the messages, cards, and even gifts people have sent me following Tank’s death. Not only did these show kindness, but also understanding of how big a role he played in my life, how deeply intertwined into my identity his presence was. So THANK YOU to everyone who has reached out. During a very sad time, these gestures have made me feel seen and cared for.

I went to the barn for the first time after on Wednesday, to catch up with my friend who owns it and to drop off supplements and feed I had stored at home. I have other horse items to give away but I’m not ready yet to part with them. It’s not like holding on to Tank’s blanket will bring him back, I know. But it also makes the loss even more final. Every time I let go of a Tank thing, it feels like tearing off a fragment of my heart. There’s only so much I can lose at one time.

The past few years have been a season of loss for me. My dad in 2018, then my mother-in-law and mom in 2023. I’ve had more practice handling grief than I want, and one of the things I’ve learned is that you have to allow it to rise to the surface, you have to feel it for it to pass. You can’t let fear of the pain keep you from letting it in. You can manage it, put boundaries on it, find ways to support yourself through it…but you have to feel it.

I hate that.

I hate that I have a handful of articles in a file folder labeled “grief” and an Instagram collection called “healing.” I’m sad that I need these things, and yet, why wouldn’t I? No one is immune to loss, pain, suffering, or struggle. While we may not “like” going through any of these experiences (I surely don’t), we can emerge finer, kinder versions of ourselves because of them. We appreciate the joys and pleasures of life more because we’ve experienced loss and pain. We know the ebbs and flows of experience. We appreciate happiness more after suffering through misery. And, hopefully, we hold greater patience and kindness for others, remembering that we don’t know what they’re privately struggling with. Several people I’ve talked with recently have shared their experiences with depression, grief, and other heavy emotions—so if you’re going through something hard right now, you’re most definitely not alone.

I don’t want you to think I’m some Pollyanna-ish figure here, happily looking for the silver lining. On Wednesday when I went to the barn, I did the ugly cry again, and spent most of the afternoon on the couch recovering. Sadness still pops up frequently, tears welling in my eyes unexpectedly when a thought takes me by surprise. I still can’t fully take in that he’s gone, and when I have no choice but to recognize that fact, I’m devastated all over again. And his loss reminds me of those other losses, and well, you get the picture. I’ll be walking with grief again for a while.

At the same time, I’m exploring the idea that feeling deep grief also strengthens my ability to feel deep happiness. Exercising my emotional muscles, if you will. And with the clarity that strong emotion sometimes brings, I’ll be reveling in the first hint of cooler weather, the taste of a freshly-baked scone, and how wonderful it feels to sink into a comfortable bed at the end of a tiring day. I’m looking forward to exploring hobbies I’ve neglected (art!) and continuing the process of fully unpacking and settling in to our new home (which I absolutely love). Remembering that nothing and no one lasts forever, I’ll more deeply embrace life’s simple pleasures and everyday adventures, and hopefully, share them with you.