As I write this, the family is asleep, except for my son who is playing paintball. Scout is sitting on my lap while I enjoy the last cup of morning coffee and piece of orange scone of 2010. I reflect on the year that’s just passed—can it be that it has passed already?

Today we have no plans to do much of anything, except play games this evening after dinner, so I’m enjoying this still moment to reflect and appreciate the old while looking forward to the new.

My word of the year for 2010 was “open,” and though I don’t feel like I fully embraced and incorporated it, as I look back I see areas where the door has been left ajar instead of being firmly closed and bolted. For example, I entered a contest to blog at the World Equestrian Games, which required me to step outside my comfort zone with a video entry. I took a couple of online art classes, and my first writing business trip. I also began natural horsemanship training with Tank, which most assuredly requires openness to new ideas. I plan to choose a new word for 2011 (so far “possibility” is a top contender) and to increase its effectiveness, I plan to check in with myself every month to see how I’m doing. (If you want to know more about choosing a word of the year, see Christine Kane’s blog and download the free word of the year worksheet.)

How was your 2010? What was most memorable about it? What would you like to be different in 2011? The same?

Wishing you a very joyful holiday!

P.S. We will be having family visitors for the holidays, so I’ll be taking a break from the blog next week. Hope your Christmas and New Year’s celebrations are the best ever!

What are your favorite holiday traditions? Do they involve special foods, or the scents of pine, balsam or simmering spiced cider? Are you planning a new tradition this year? Whatever your holiday plans, make sure you take time to recall memories from the past—and create new ones—this holiday season.


I was sick last week, and though I'm just about recovered, I'm behind on my usual activities, including posting here. This week, the last before school gets out for winter break, must be devoted to holiday preparation and beating the house into submission (that is, cleaning it). Then comes the usual end-of-the-year flurry of activity interspersed with introspection in which I will decide that I must change everything about my life and make a new start.

Just kidding. I think.

Does that happen to you? You take a look at your perfectly servicable--even happy--life and decide you'd like it to be different, better somehow. As the year winds down, I think about how it's gone, turn my thoughts to my hopes and desires for next year and consider what I might do differently. I have to fight the urge to set a bunch of goals, commit to challenges (I wanted to sign up for this one because it sounds so fun and the badge is pretty...but I restrained myself) and so on. I guess I think of this season as one of contemplation and evaluation--a sort of natural turning point in my life.

Scout contemplates trimming the shrubs so she can see the squirrels better

On a less philosophical note, I'm choosing books for the Off the Shelf Challenge--my goal was 15, but I've already got 17 stacked up (and still more lurking on closet shelves). I've chosen the first book I'm going to read for the Vintage Mystery Challenge: The Crime at Black Dudley, by Margery Allingham. I've never read anything by her before. This book is the first Albert Campion mystery. According to the book's back cover, I'm likely to like this if I'm a fan of Dorothy L. Sayers, Agatha Christie, and the Golden Age of British Mystery. That's me! Though I'm not officially doing the 50 States Challenge, I'm going to keep track of the settings of the books I read to see how many states--or countries--are represented.

The contenders

What does the end of the year bring for you? Do you do any sort of check-in with yourself? Are you making plans for next year?

P.S. I wrote a piece on visiting New Orleans on a budget--if you're interested, you can read it here.

Most of us are thinking of what we and our loved ones would like as gifts this holiday season. Along with the wish lists we generally have, what about a gift we can give ourselves: the gift of permission? Here are three things we should give ourselves permission to do:

Permission to have the life you want
Do you, deep down, believe you deserve the life you want? If you don’t, your dream life will never become real. Women in particular often put others’ needs first, and sacrifice their own goals and dreams in favor of helping others achieve theirs. This is not all bad, of course. Many of us find deep satisfaction in helping others. It becomes a problem when you always sacrifice your own dreams and wishes in favor of others’ and never or rarely have a chance to pursue your own passions and pleasures.

Joy Chudacoff writes in “Smart Women Give Themselves Permission,” “There comes a time when you will begin to feel a calling to create more of what you prefer in your own life. It does not mean that you do not love and care for all of those people who mean so much to you. It’s a signal that the time has come for you to embrace more of who you uniquely are.”

This is definitely an issue for me: why do I “deserve” to have my dreams come true—owning my own horse, working as a freelancer (i.e., often getting paid more in satisfaction than in money), simply having what I have in my life? I feel guilty because I have the time and resources to pursue the life of my dreams, and then I begin to dissipate my energy to such an extent that I no longer do have the time and resources to do what I want. I realize I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me it’s OK to have the life I want. The truth is, I deserve the life I want just as much as—not more than, not less than—any other human being does. And so do you.

Permission to be imperfect
I’m not saying you consciously think you have to be “perfect,” but I’ll bet you think you should be better. We could all be “better” than we are—it’s part of the human condition to be imperfect. If you’re like me, you can probably name 25 things you wish were different about you and your life. Stop worrying over that and feeling guilty about it and give yourself permission to be imperfect. Admit your flaws, then realize that’s just how it is right now. If it’s truly something that must be changed, then commit to changing, but refuse to wallow in the feeling that somehow you should have already overcome this problem and you’re a bad person for not having done so. (Channel Popeye by saying, “I yam what I yam.”)

Permission to try and succeed…or to try and fail
This is one of my biggest issues. When I have a big, hairy goal or project in mind, I often become paralyzed, equally worried about succeeding or failing! If I fail, I’ll be embarrassed and disappointed in myself. If I succeed, people might expect more of me and then I could fail their expectations—or my own. Safer and more comfortable just to do nothing.

And what if trying for your big, hairy goal causes someone in your life discomfort or inconvenience? That may be true. How often does someone else’s important goal cause you discomfort or inconvenience? How do you feel about that? Probably you feel that’s OK, within reason, if the other person’s activity or achievement is important enough to them. (I also refer you back to my first point.)

Regardless of success or failure, you should give yourself permission to try. Either outcome is better than not making the attempt.

So this is what we’re going to do. I give you permission to follow your dreams, to learn something new, to succeed, to do something badly, to be imperfect. And you do the same for me. But truthfully, we don’t really need each other’s permission, do we?

What would you do if you had “permission”?

Seen on a store window in New Orleans

“If it’s a good idea, go ahead and do it. It’s much easier to apologize than it is to get permission.”

This time of year, many of us become more introspective (when we’re not rushing around preparing for the holidays). We often take stock of what we’ve done in the past year, and think ahead to the coming new year. Now is also a good time to take a moment to enjoy the festive decorations or observe the changes in the natural world (for a good example of this, see Elizabeth Smith’s lovely post about autumn in Florida here).

“I think the reason we all get up in the morning, whether we know it or not, is that brief moment during the day when we recognize the beauty in something,” writer Penelope Michler observed. I discovered this quote in Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book, Romancing the Ordinary. Breathnach herself continued, “Today recognize one moment of exquisite beauty in your own daily round. Notice it, rejoice in it, and give thanks.”
 
What was your moment of beauty today?

Cheryl at Scrappy Cat recently posted a review of Going After Cacciato, a book she’d just finished for a reading challenge. I’ve enjoyed reading her reviews of the challenge books she’s read this year, so I asked if she’s planning to participate in another challenge in 2011—she is, the War Through the Generations Challenge. When she asked if I knew of any reading challenges for 2011, I decided I’d do a little internet poking around to see what challenges readers are planning in 2011. Two blogs I found, A Novel Challenge and Book Obsessed, list a number of different and interesting challenges, including the following:

I'm not sure I'm quite up for the 50 States Reading Challenge, but I think just choosing the books would be a lot of fun. The goal is to read a book set in each of the 50 U.S. states, and books can be in any genre, including audiobooks.

I'm definitely participating in the Off the Shelf Challenge--"Are your books multiplying like rabbits before you even get a chance to read them? Trying to keep up with them, but can't stop buying new ones? Maybe this challenge is for you. I know what it's like. There's so many titles and so many beautiful books out there sometimes it's hard to keep that TBR shelf under control..." Challenge levels include: "Tempted--Choose 5 books to read" all the way up to "Buried--Choose 126 to 200 books to read." (I see some people are worse off than I am!)


And just for fun, I'm going to do the 2011 Vintage Mystery Reading Challenge--"A challenge for all you mystery lovers out there who already love mysteries from the years prior to 1960 and also anyone who's ever thought, 'I should give Agatha Christie (Dorothy L Sayers...Sir Arthur Conan Doyle...etc) a try.'" I love mysteries, especially ones from this era, so I don't know if this even counts as a challenge--maybe more of an excuse to read the kind of book I love! (If this one sounds good to you, too, today is the last day to sign up.)

I've never participated in an "official" reading challenge before. I tend to be an impulsive reader and I like to have plenty of freedom be able to follow my whims. I consider reading primarily fun—not something that should become a chore or responsibility. On the other hand, I really need to weed out my To Be Read collection, and I love discovering new authors and compelling books—opening up my reading world, so to speak. And it's OK if books fulfill more than one of the challenges, so ideally, I'd find a vintage mystery set in one of the 50 states already on my TBR shelf...

Are you planning to participate in any reading challenges in 2011? If so, which ones? If not, do you have any kind of reading goals or plans, or are you more like I usually am…a rambling and random reader?

I returned early last week from a long weekend in New Orleans, LA with Laure Ferlita (of Imaginary Trips and the Painted Thoughts blog) and I’m wondering where to begin to write about the trip. Do I start with the food? The architecture? The history? The music? NOLA was so much more than I expected it to be.

As The Rough Guide to New Orleans aptly describes it, NOLA is a town of melancholy beauty and ebullient spirit. Founded by the French in 1718, it became part of the United States in 1803 when the Louisiana Purchase was signed at the Cabildo). After that, New Orleans grew rapidly and became the second largest port and the fourth wealthiest city in the United States.

The city’s beauty is mingled with great poverty and a level of crime that has guidebooks warning visitors to be mindful of their surroundings and avoid wandering alone, especially at night. Still, every block holds surprises, gorgeous or quirky. Laure’s description of the city nailed it: genteel, with a good dose of grit and moxie.




Any discussion of New Orleans must include reference to Katrina. I had never been to NOLA before, so had no way to compare pre- and post-hurricane conditions. Though I looked for it, I did not see the “Katrina tattoo”—the line on many buildings that marked the high point of Katrina’s floodwaters, and we didn’t stray into the Ninth Ward or the other areas that were hardest hit by the storm. (There are hurricane tours you can take, but for several reasons we chose not to do this.) The few residents we spoke with gave me the impression that they had been emotionally scarred by Katrina, but were so deeply rooted in the area they would find it nearly impossible to leave. After visiting, I believe it would be a tragedy to lose New Orleans and I applaud those who have worked so diligently to bring it back.

The French Quarter is so much more than Bourbon Street, and New Orleans is so much more than the French Quarter. Even spending 10-12 hours a day exploring, we simply didn’t have time to see everything we wanted to see—we’ve barely scratched the surface of this mysterious, multi-faceted town.

My feet still hurt.

Today is a special day for me…know why? Today is the one-year anniversary of Catching Happiness, and coincidentally, this is my 100th post. I’ve had a blast getting this thing up and running, and I’ve also learned a few things in the past 12 months. Things like:

• Take your camera everywhere. It’s much easier to take tons of pictures and doctor them up in Picasa than to search high and low on free stock photo sites for an appropriate photo for a blog post. It’s also more fun.
• Don’t simultaneously make grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch and attempt to take photos for the blog. Your first clue that you’ve forgotten the sandwiches will be the smell of burning bread.
• Slow down and pay attention to what’s around you. The butterfly sipping from the red penta in the front yard is beautiful just for itself, but it may also make you think of something to write for the blog.

• Don’t expect every little thing you observe to be of interest to blog readers. I have half a dozen infant blog posts on my computer that I began in my enthusiasm, and soon realized no one but my mother would care about this particular observation—and maybe not even her.
• Sometimes the best posts just “come to you.” The ones you labor over to get just right don’t always resonate with the readers the way the ones that appear nearly finished in your brain do.
• When in doubt, post a picture of a cute animal.

Ah, Sunday mornings... A cup of coffee and The New York Times...

Did you know that we in the U.S. work more hours than any other industrialized nation? In fact, we work more hours than medieval peasants!

This Sunday, Oct. 24, marks the seventh annual Take Back Your Time Day. This movement, which grew out of the voluntary simplicity movement, is a “major U.S./Canadian initiative to challenge the epidemic of overwork, over-scheduling and time famine that now threatens our health, our families and relationships, our communities and our environment,” according to the movement’s official Web site, http://www.timeday.org/. (The date of Oct. 24 is significant: it falls nine weeks before the end of the year, and symbolizes the fact that Americans now work an average of nine full weeks more per year than Western Europeans.)
No matter what your paid work situation, it’s good to evaluate periodically how you spend your time, and whether or not you’re using it wisely. As a freelancer as well as a mother, I find that even though I don’t go to an office 40+ hours a week, work has a way of filling my hours and days. My paid and unpaid work and personal life tend to bleed into each other. Sometimes I have to adjust how much time I’m spending at the barn with Tank or with friends socializing (ahem) and how much time I spend keeping the house running or meeting writing deadlines, even and especially self-imposed ones. Sometimes we have to take back our time not from someone or something outside of ourselves, but from our own habits. I think it may be time for a reevaluation of how I spend my time.

Many of my posts focus on simple pleasures, as I try to slow down and appreciate what a richly blessed life I have. But there is a second part to the tagline of “Catching Happiness”—what about everyday adventures?

I’m not what I would automatically think of as an adventurous person. Sky diving, bungee jumping, sailing around the world and other feats don’t appeal to me. But is that really what being adventurous means?

As adventure consultant Matt Walker wrote in “Climb Ev’ry Mountain,”  “At its core, adventure is the willingness to commit to an uncertain outcome with an open heart and an open mind. It is the ability to take a leap into the unknown with mindfulness and grace. Framed this way, opportunities for adventure present themselves to us every day…”

(Notice the word “open” in there?!)

He continued, “Adventure isn’t something that’s reserved for the extreme athlete or the daredevil. It is an expression of your heart’s intention and passion for life.”

I may not be a stereotypical adventurer, but I truly am passionate and curious about life. I’m interested to see what each day brings, even when it scares me to death. Personally, I’ve found marriage and parenthood to be incredible adventures…talk about your commitment to an uncertain outcome!

Walker concludes that to bring more adventure into your life, you don’t have to scale mountains or travel the world. You invite adventure in by making small changes to your routine. Perhaps changes like choosing a different sandwich at your favorite lunch place or picking up a magazine you’ve never read before.

I see many of my blogging friends opening up to this sort of adventure: Teresa at Blueberries, Art and Life taking on Twenty-Minute Challenges and sharing what she learns, Cheryl at Scrappy Cat participating in a new author challenge, and Laure of Painted Thoughts stepping outside the studio to paint and sketch on location. I’m inspired by their efforts, and encouraged to make more small changes of my own. I recently went to the movies by myself—something I’ve never done before. Soon I’m going to try packing up my laptop and working at the library (where I can’t be distracted by laundry). Very small changes, true. But that’s the way it goes for an everyday adventurer.

Tell me, how do you invite adventure in?

When I’m not busy taking care of the family/house, writing, or providing equine spa services, I’m probably reading. It’s one of my favorite things to do and I usually have more than one (or two or three) books going at once. I just finished Dickens’ Bleak House, one of my “classic” reads for the year. I can’t remember ever reading Dickens before, and I found Bleak House absorbing, though not an easy read—and long (989 pages). I had recently watched the PBS miniseries with Gillian Anderson, so that helped keep some of the myriad characters straight in my mind. My trick for getting through long or difficult books is to commit to reading a certain number of pages per week, which allows me to keep up with the story line, but also read other things if I feel like it. I don’t like turning reading into a chore, but I also like to push myself a little in my reading choices.

While I was finishing up Bleak House, I began reading The Anthologist, by Nicholson Baker, a novel about a poet struggling to write an introduction to an anthology of poems. I enjoyed the main character’s personality, and had to smile when I read this on page 140:

“Thursday is the day of fear. On Monday you’re in great shape because you’ve got the whole week. Then Tuesday, still pretty good, still at the beginning more or less. Then Wednesday, and you’re poised, and you can accomplish much if you just apply yourself vigorously and catch up. And then, suddenly, you’re driving under that huge tattered banner, with that T and that H and that U and that frightening R and the appalling S—Thursday—and you slide down the steep slope toward the clacking shredder blades that wait on Sunday afternoon. Another whole week of your one life. Your one ‘precious life,’ as Mary Oliver says. You don’t have too many Thursdays left. There are after all only fifty-two of them in the year. Fifty-two may sound like a lot, but when Thursdays come around, fifty-two doesn’t seem like a lot at all. I just wish I had more money.” (Don’t we all?)

Another lovely book I read recently was Slow Love: How I Lost My Job, Put on My Pajamas and Found Happiness by Dominique Browning. Browning was the long-time editor-in-chief of House & Garden who lost her job when the magazine was abruptly shut down. Browning states, “I want to write about moving at a gentler, more loving pace in everything I do, learning to appreciate the beauty of everyday moments, the wisdom of thinking things over. I was forced to slow down when I lost my job--and the journey of grieving and recovery is what my book is about. Slow living led me to falling in love with the world, what I think of as slow love.”

Some of my favorite snippets:

“My basic decorating rule of thumb is to create as many lovely places in which to sit and read as possible. By this time in my life, I need a certain kind of chair and a certain kind of table nearby, a place on which to prop my feet, and a kind of light that suits my eyes.” (A woman after my own heart!)

“Over the years, though, I’ve learned not to worry so much about what will or won’t make it: I’m learning the ‘So what?’ lesson. So what if it fails? That doesn’t mean it was all a mistake. So what if it ends? That doesn’t mean it should never have begun.”

“‘Nothing to do’ is not the same as ‘Nothing can be done.’ One is hopeless; the other, the place from which hope becomes possible.” (You can visit Browning’s related blog at http://www.slowlovelife.com/)

What have you been reading lately? Let’s hear about what has entertained, inspired, encouraged or taught you.

October 2010 is the 25th year of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Did you know:One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime.

• Breast cancer is the second most common cancer in American women (skin cancer is the most common).
• There are approximately 2.5 million breast cancer survivors living in the U.S.
• Men can also develop breast cancer, but the disease is 100 times more common in women.
• For the best chance at early detection, women should have a yearly screening mammogram beginning at age 40 (though there has been some controversy about this, this remains the American Cancer Society’s recommendation). In addition, women should also have an annual clinical breast exam and perform a monthly breast self-exam.

For more information, visit the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Web site or National Breast Cancer Month.

Chances are you know someone touched by breast cancer, whether friend or family member. My best friend Kerri was diagnosed at age 47 (you can read her story here). Since then, I’ve become more aware of breast cancer research and recommendations, and more careful about my own habits.

This month, I encourage you to educate yourself about breast cancer, support companies that donate to breast cancer research and/or donate yourself. Here’s to a healthy future!

At work on Tank's tail--a two-person job

Pitiful forelock

Take horse to wash rack. Spray all over with hose (the horse, not yourself, though you might just as well spray yourself and be done with it). Shampoo horse, taking special care with legs, as the hair there is often particularly thick and hard to clip. If you’re a girly horse owner, shampoo and condition mane and tail. While rinsing off shampoo, try not to let water from hose run down your arm and into your shoes as you spray the taller parts of the horse. Fail.

Are you sure we have to do this?

Squeegee horse with sweat scraper and dry with towel as much as you can to shorten air drying time. Go change your socks and, possibly, your shirt and shorts. (I frequently wear a bathing suit top and quick drying shorts when I bathe my horse.) Take horse for a walk, looking for edible things until you’re too tired and thirsty to do that anymore. (You can’t just turn him loose because he’s sure to roll and dirty up his clean coat.) While he’s drying, spray the hair with a silicone spray, such as Show Sheen, to help the clippers glide through easier. This adds a little to the drying time, but is worth it in the long run.

Tie up horse, and even though he’s still a little damp, you optimistically think there are some areas dry enough to start on. Begin clipping. Keep even pressure on the clippers so you have no gouged spots. Some people clip the legs first because they’re more technical (and ticklish) and it’s good to do them when you and the horse are fresh and your clipper blades are sharp. Some people start on the face. I personally like to see immediate progress, so I start somewhere I can see inroads, like the neck, chest or hindquarters. I also skip around when I get tired of working on one area, so my horse looks like nothing on earth until he’s completely done.

Making inroads

If you’re lucky and you have a cooperative horse, you may finish your horse clipping in one session. If you tire out, your clippers die or your horse decides he’s had enough, come back another time to finish the job. Better to have a funky-looking horse for a day or two than risk either of you melting down in the process.

Horse hair sticks to everything, so when you are done, you will be covered from head to foot with little pieces of hair. In fact, YOU will look like you need clipping. Turn your horse out or put him in his stall and offer him treats for being such a good boy. Go home, take a shower, pour yourself your adult beverage of choice and inform the family that dinner will come from the nearest pizza place that delivers.

The finished tail

Right about now you're thinking you're really glad you don't have a horse.  It's a testament to my madness that I think salon day is a whole lot of fun. (Many thanks to my friends Marianne and Mary Ann for their help in coloring and clipping.) 

P.S. I have to go back this weekend and clean up a few areas--I'll post a picture of the finished product at that time. Stay tuned!

The new car is sooooo much nicer than the old one…smoother, quieter, more features. I’m inventing errands just to have the chance to drive it.

If you want me, I’ll be on the road.

P.S. Does anyone name their cars? I never have, but I know a few people who do and it seems like fun.  Any suggestions of a moniker for the new wheels?

Ouch.

Nothing broken or torn, just a bruised shoulder and some whiplash. I’m pretty much recovered now.

As I lay in bed the night after the fall from the horse, evaluating what hurt and what didn’t, the thought occurred to me that falls are pretty much inevitable. (As one T-shirt I’ve seen proclaims, “The hardest thing about horseback riding is the ground.”) I don’t think much about falling off, I always wear my riding helmet, and I’m a careful rider. My horse is gentle, obedient and generally quite mellow, though like most horses, he will occasionally spook. You can minimize risk, but if you ride regularly, it’s pretty much not a matter of if you will come off the horse, but a matter of when.

That’s true of life, too, isn’t it? There’s risk in everything—driving to the grocery store, riding bikes with the kids, even eating bagged salad! If you thought too long and hard about what might happen, you wouldn’t be able to leave your home.

Falls in life are inevitable, just like they are in horseback riding. All you can do is minimize risk. Buckle your seat belt, wear your helmet, thoroughly wash the greens...live your life.

(But I especially recommend wearing your helmet.)

We also have a flying pig in our foyer:


My husband purchased this one on a family trip just after we sold our business. This little piggy represents freedom. After years of working long hours in our insurance business, he finally felt free from stress, free from having to be somewhere all dressed up at eight (or earlier) in the morning, free from problems with clients or staff.

We only have two flying pigs in our home, but we have no fewer than five variations of bicycle objets d’art (including a bicycling pig). I don’t know what the bicycles stand for yet. My husband is an avid cyclist, but we started picking up the bicycles before he started riding regularly. Perhaps they also represent freedom—the ability to ride away if things get tough? Or maybe they symbolize the excitement of exploring or going on adventures? (Clearly I have too much time on my hands if I’m assigning hidden meaning to articles of household decoration. Maybe they’re just bikes.)

Is it just me, or do you have any objects in your life that are more than just decoration? Objects that speak to your heart and soul for some perhaps unaccountable reason? Maybe it’s a trinket brought back from a family vacation, or an item picked up at a flea market because it called your name.

When I see the pigs, I think of vacations (I bought Penelope while on vacation, also), freedom, playfulness, joy. My heart lifts, even if it’s just for a moment. I think we need these unexpected hits of happiness in our daily lives—little jolts from a special item or a photo of a happy occasion placed where we see it often during the day.

If you have any items that serve as symbols for you, what are they, what do they mean to you and where do you keep them?