Regular readers of Catching Happiness know that I usually
choose a Word of the Year to guide me. This year is no different—in fact, I
have two words that I will be keeping in the forefront of my mind as I navigate
2020.
This year, I’ve chosen the words free and soften
as my words of the year.
Free
Initially, I chose free because I’m going to do something
this year that will make me feel more free—I’ve decided to stop coloring my
hair.* I got my first gray hair at age 21, and though it took many years for
more grays to appear, I’ve been coloring my hair for a good long time now, and
I’m tired of the process. After I read about a possible link between breast cancer and permanent hair dye, that was it for me. I’m done. I have an aunt who
had breast cancer, and I don’t need any more risk factors.
Thinking about no longer coloring my hair led me to thinking
about what else I’d like to be free of. Things like expectations, caring what
other people think about how I look and what I do, stories I tell myself that
hold me back from having the happy life I want. I want to feel free to explore,
expand, give, express my creativity, enjoy my simple pleasures and everyday
adventures.
When I looked up the definitions of free, I found some
additional food for thought. The online definitions, from Merriam-Webster,
included: enjoying civil and political liberty; enjoying personal freedom;
choosing or capable of choosing for oneself; made, done or given voluntarily or
spontaneously; relieved from or lacking something, especially something painful
or burdensome; not bound or contained by force; having no obligations or
commitments; not impeded or obstructed or restricted; capable of moving in any
direction; frank/open; overly familiar or forward in action or attitude. As a
verb, free means to relieve or rid of what restrains, confines, restricts or
embarrasses.
Soften
Soften came to me one day when I was struggling to make
something work. When life doesn’t immediately cooperate, my tendency is to
tense up, struggle, and use force when I should soften and ease up. Maybe even
let go. I’m often reminded of this in yoga class when I have a muscle cramp and
must soften my pose or come out of it altogether. Softening—my attitude and my
actions—causes me to slow down, and often averts an impending accident
Words working together
I believe that the combination of free and soften indicates
to me that I want to explore being more flexible and relaxed. How this plays
out in real life, with its work and responsibilities, remains to be seen. How
can I have self-discipline but not too much, also remains to be seen.
Did you choose a word of the year this year? What do you
think it means for you?
*Apparently, “going gray” is currently A Thing, with books
and blogs devoted to the process. While I’m not planning to share much of my
own transition publicly, I’ve heard that the process brings up a lot of
emotions and beliefs about femininity, aging, etc., so it’s possible that I
will eventually write about it. (And, of course, when my hair is fully
transformed, I’ll have to post a new profile pic!)
