The Wolf You Feed
November 12, 2021 |
| Photo by Vincent van Zalinge on Unsplash |
Does it feel like the world has become a darker, scarier place? It does to me.
In a recent conversation with a friend, we discussed,
jokingly (wishfully?), going back to a time when we were not as intimately
aware of the many problems facing mankind, whether it was because we were younger
and more innocent, absorbed in our own lives, or simply because we did not have
24/7 news from the farthest flung reaches of the earth thrust into our faces at
every turn. We know that’s not possible, or even desirable, but…
It’s hard to be happy when there is so much misery all
around.
Of course, it’s anyone’s guess if the world truly is more miserable right now, compared to historical times that include the Dark Ages, the
Black Death, and the Holocaust, just to name three examples. Perhaps we are
just more aware of the misery because of that 24/7 news cycle.
It’s a question I ponder over and over: how to be happy
while still having compassion for others. How to be aware but not feel
overwhelmed. How to remain kind and open, instead of judgmental and angry.
You’ve probably heard the story of the two wolves (or dogs,
in some versions), sometimes attributed to the Cherokee or Lenape people.
Briefly, it goes like this:
An elderly Cherokee brave explained to his grandson that a
battle is taking place inside of people—a battle between two wolves. One wolf
is evil, representing things like anger, jealousy, envy, greed, arrogance,
self-pity, resentment, lies, false pride, and a feeling of superiority. The
other represents good: such things as peace, joy, love, hope, humility,
kindness, empathy, generosity, compassion, and truth. The grandson asked his
grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The grandfather replied, “The wolf you feed.”
So I’m making a choice to feed the good wolf.
Feeding the good wolf will look different for each person. For me, it means choosing to hope and to look for good, rather than focusing on the negative, incompetent, frustrating, and evil. In my own situation, in order to feed the good wolf, I have to limit:
- Stories (fictional or real) of mean people doing ugly things to each other.
- Books/movies/TV shows where one bad thing after another happens to the characters, so that I’m constantly dreading what fresh hell these people will have to deal with.
- Social media accounts of people with strong political opinions, even ones I tend to agree with overall. Too often complicated situations are reduced to memes, and the comments sections suck me in and stir up my emotions.
- “Doomscrolling”—immersing myself in the negative news of the day.
What I (try to) do instead:
- Notice and savor stories about kind things people do for each other, amazing scientific discoveries, beautiful art, hilarious videos. Among other sources, I follow Upworthy and subscribe to the Smile newsletter from inspiremore.com to help balance out negative news.
- Practice yoga. Very calming to my nervous system.
- Listen to music—different types depending on my mood.
- Learn more about topics that interest me.
- Do “real” things like planting seeds, spending time with my animals, cooking and baking, even small home projects and repairs. I haven’t made it back to art journaling, but I still want to.
- Tell my people important things: how much I love them, or how a certain thing they did was special to me.
- Read a LOT—but carefully curate the selections (see above).
- Keep track of happy little things. Watching birds and squirrels at the feeders, inhaling the scent of my horse, rubbing Luna’s soft ears, a hug from my husband. For more inspiration, see Ross Gay’s The Book of Delights, which is itself (you knew this was coming) a delight.
- Don’t make snap judgments or have opinions about everything. Try to see both sides of an argument or issue. If it’s something I need to understand, I will do research. If it’s not that important, I’ll let it go. There’s no shame in saying, “I don’t know enough about that to have an opinion.” I can’t care passionately about everything. I just can. not.
I’m not saying we should ignore the wrongs and suffering in
the world in favor of “always looking on the bright side.” I’m saying we should know ourselves, and what
we can handle. What balance we as individuals can stand before tipping into
overwhelm. What stories can energize us to make a difference, and which ones will make us crawl in a hole and pull the hole in after us.
I’m saying that if we feed the good wolf in ourselves, then
maybe we can feed the good wolf in society in general. If we can seek and be
the positive, maybe we can be the people who make a situation better rather
than worse.
Wouldn’t that be a nice change?
In what ways do you “feed the good wolf”?
4 comments
Feed the good wolf. Wise words.
ReplyDeleteI have to limit what I watch and take in. The news is a lot of set up propaganda these days and I believe very little of it, but if I start watching it, it gets to me anyway. I also avoid shows and movies that are dark.
Hi, Sandi--Yes, it gets me, too, even if I don't believe what I'm reading! So it's just better to limit it. Hope you have a very happy "good wolf" weekend :)
DeleteOh yes Kathy let us feed the good wolf. Wonderful post friend. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Debbie!
Delete