Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

“Find the good. It's all around you. Find it, showcase it, and you'll start believing in it.”

—Jesse Owens

If you participate in any kind of online life, from social media, to streaming services like Netflix, or even simple search engine searches, you’ve come in contact with “the algorithm.” Platforms use algorithms to determine how to filter content—in simplified terms, they use what we’ve looked at before to determine what to show us next. This can be fun (there are A LOT of funny animal videos out there), but it can also be enraging and discouraging (there is A LOT of bad news out there, too).

Offline, our reticular activating system acts as an algorithm. What we look for, we find. 

So I propose that we look for the good, the beautiful, and the excellent—both online and off. Let’s change the algorithm!

See better, do better

I’ve been thinking about “changing the algorithm” as a concept for a while now, but a webinar I attended last week (“Appreciating Goodness and Beauty in Our World”) helped me expand the idea beyond the internet and social media. The speaker was Maria Sirois, a clinical psychologist and author of The Generous Exchange. 

According to Sirois, when we are actively seeking goodness in the world, we actually become better people. Paying attention to goodness gives us evidence of hope. It reminds us of our better selves. She focused on three main types of goodness and beauty:

Natural beauty—experiences in the natural world, like walking in the woods or enjoying a sunset.

Moral beauty—good news; benevolence; the capacity to be kind, generous, and loving to the world. When we see people helping people, animals, or the environment.

Excellence—accomplishment and achievement. Watching Simone Biles fly through the air or hearing a musician play a beautiful piece of music. (Sirois noted that there is also excellence of character. For those of us who will never be Simone Biles, we can strive to become excellent in our own domains.)

To actively seek goodness and beauty, here are two practices Sirois suggested we try:

1. Choose a texting buddy and for the next 30 days and text each other one thing you found beautiful each day. This strengthens connections in your brain for beauty, and it draws you closer to your friend as you each share what you find beautiful in your world.

2. For the next two weeks, jot down in a journal one example of goodness in your world.

At the end of these practices, reflect on what has grown in you because of them. What is different now?

One beautiful thing

At the beginning of the webinar, Sirois asked us: What’s one thing you find beautiful in the world today?

Here’s mine: On Tuesday, I attended a performance of The Lion King. The production was outstanding—magical, really. The music, the performers, the costumes and sets—I marveled, yes, marveled, at the talent, joy, and excellence on display. I walked out of the theater feeling happy and inspired. (In fact, I just watched this clip, and got chills!) 

While I do see suffering, cruelty, and greed in the world, I also see an amazing amount of love, kindness, and caring. Focusing on the good and the beautiful helps me find hope when I’m in despair, and gives me courage to keep showing up with kindness. The more we focus on the good and beautiful, the more we’ll see.

What’s one beautiful thing in your world? Please share in the comments below!

Photo by Benjamin Raffetseder on Unsplash

In preparation for National Poetry Month, I’ve been researching the benefits of reading poetry. Here’s what I found so far:

• Improves cognitive functions such as flexible thinking and the ability to understand “complex, multiple meanings.” 
• Provides comfort and boosts mood during times of stress, trauma, or grief. 
• Is pleasurable! 
• Helps us understand and express our feelings, identity, self-awareness, and ease negative emotions. 
• Offers different ways of seeing things. 
• Helps us feel connected and less alone as we see others going through the same emotions. 

To sum up, reading poetry helps us to think better and feel better, even and especially when we’re going through hard times!

Recommitting to the poetry habit

Even though I enjoy reading poetry, I tend to reach for it when my life feels less stressful and sorrowful. When I feel I have time to dwell on and savor the words on the page. I can see from the above articles that I’ve been missing out on the benefits of reading poetry when I’m sad and overwhelmed (see: 2023).

Reading poetry doesn’t have to be hard. I know that, and yet I sometimes, too often, choose the “easier” option of scrolling mindlessly when I have a few moments to fill. (Maybe they don’t need “filling” at all, but that’s a topic for another day.) I’ve experimented with various methods for reading more poetry—adding it to my morning routine, choosing a poem to read before bed or after I eat lunch. Now I’m going to try keeping a collection of poems next to where I sit on the couch to see if making it easier to read a poem instead of picking up my phone to scroll Instagram will make me happier! I’m also going to give myself permission to dip in and out of poetry collections rather than read one from start to finish. I’m starting with Starspun, a collection published by my high school creative writing teacher Marie Tollstrup, and Poetry Rx: How Fifty Inspiring Poems Can Heal and Bring Joy to Your Life, by Norman Rosenthal, M.D. 

Options for the poetry reluctant

If you’re curious but a little reluctant, start small. Don’t worry about “getting it.” 

Sign up for poem-a-day in your inbox (poets.org). 

If you’d rather listen than read, try The Slowdown or the Favorite Poem Project: Americans Saying Poems They Love.

Poetry may not be everyone’s favorite form of entertainment, but it offers significant benefits to those who take the time to explore it. Do you have any favorite poems, poets, or ways of enjoying poetry? Do share in the comments below.

Photo by Ester Marie Doysabas on Unsplash

“Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.”

—John Harrigan

When I hear about a book I think I’d like to read, I usually check it out from the library, even if I have to wait in a long line of library holds to do so. Only after I’ve read and loved a book, and know I’ll want to read it more than once, will I buy my own copy. (I must make these rules for myself because otherwise I’d be b-a-n-k-r-u-p-t if I bought a copy of every book I wanted to read.)

But every now and then, a book comes along that makes me break my rules. When I heard the title of Courtney Carver’s new book, I knew I had to read it. I also decided to do something I rarely do: preorder a copy. I’ve read Carver’s other books and loved them, and the premise of her new book spoke to me, especially in 2025, when my word of the year is ease.

I’m two-thirds of the way through Gentle: Rest More, Stress Less, and Live the Life You Actually Want and it does not disappoint.

Start with rest

Gentle is divided into three sections: Rest, Less, and Rise. Each chapter ends with tiny steps, and if even the tiny steps are too much, a single “Gentle” step. Each chapter also ends with a (usually) single-sentence “Permission Slip.”

“Rest” is first in the book because so many of us are so exhausted. It resonated very much with me because I’m still coming down from the high wire of stress and grief from the past couple of years. In this section, Carver offers suggestions for inviting more rest into our lives—from actively scheduling literal 5- to 10-minute blocks of rest and allowing more margin between activities, to learning to underreact to various situations we find upsetting, and discovering what actually feels restful to each of us. One of my favorite sections of the whole book was the deep dive into “the new rules of rest.” One of my favorites: “Thou shalt ease through hard days rather than pushing through them.”

Less is next

The second section of the book is “Less.” Whether it’s having fewer things, giving less advice, picking up your phone less often, or living with less regret, according to Carver, if you’re stressed or anxious, “The answer is usually less.” 

The chapter titled “Release Your Pain” is one I’m still thinking about. In it, Carver relates that she destroys her journals. !!! Now, I’ve just moved a giant box of journals from one house to another and the idea of destroying them is…horrifying to me. But she asks a number of good questions about why one might be keeping journals, and offers some compelling reasons for being willing to let go. One reason I’m holding on to mine is to have a record of my life to look back on, but as she writes: “If what’s holding you back [from releasing your journals] is the fear of not remembering, consider how you want to spend your time now and how you may want to spend it in the future. Will you want to spend it frustrated that you can’t remember things, and trying to unearth your past? Or will you want to read a book, spend time with people you love, play a game, watch your favorite movie, or learn a new skill?”

As I said, I’m still thinking about this.

Finally, we rise

The final section of the book is “Rise,” and in the spirit of Gentle, I decided against rushing through this last part in order to summarize it for you. I did peek at the introduction to “Rise,” and it begins like this: “Becoming the Gentle You doesn’t mean you have to withdraw from the world. You don’t have to stop striving for what you want or stop caring.” Carver notes that the practices from the first two sections of the book will serve as supports as you “accomplish all that you want to accomplish, not by pushing through but by easing through.”

Which seems like a good place to ask the question Carver poses earlier in Gentle: “If you were more at ease and relaxed, would you be better equipped to create and live the life you desire?” Something for us all to think about. 

I highly recommend Courtney Carver’s Gentle: Rest More, Stress Less, and Live the Life You Actually Want and will be savoring the last few chapters this weekend. 

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

I’ve always tried to make Catching Happiness an escape from the chaos and suffering we see around us in the world, and a small oasis of peace and joy. I find it encouraging that there are always bright spots of happiness, hope, and dreams to be found if we only look for them. Here are a few that I’ve found lately.

Author and illustrator Susan Branch shares many simple pleasures and everyday adventures on her blog. She and her husband have relocated and downsized from their home in Martha’s Vineyard to California, and I’ve enjoyed reading about her adjustments to, plans, and dreams for their new home.  “Summer Dreams” is her most recent post. 

“Hope in Difficult Times,” Action for Happiness podcast. There were many encouraging takeaways in this episode, so if you only click on one link, make it this one. 

In “How to Become Enchanted by Life,” Leo Babauta notes that we often turn magic into the mundane and offers suggestions for how to reverse that tendency. 

For science-backed tips to improve your happiness habits, check out “Eight Ways to Stay Happier This Year, According to Science.”

Find more tips for boosting happiness here. 

I’m not the only one who comes back from travel inspired. Stephanie reflects on lessons learned from a dream trip to Italy in “Maybe the Hobby Lobby Sign Was Right.”

This doesn’t surprise me at all.

I might be spending way too much time watching the Big Bear Eagle Live Nest Cam, which features bald eagle pair Jackie and Shadow—and their three tiny eaglets!

What bright spots have you discovered lately?

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

In the past I’ve shared various definitions and types of happiness, such as momentary pleasure, overall happiness, and long-term contentment. Today I’d like to add well-being to the list. As some researchers note: “Well-being has been defined as the combination of feeling good and functioning well; the experience of positive emotions such as happiness and contentment as well as the development of one’s potential, having some control over one’s life, having a sense of purpose, and experiencing positive relationships. It is a sustainable condition that allows the individual or population to develop and thrive.” I think that’s what most of us are looking for when we talk about wanting to be happy.   

A few weeks ago, I attended a webinar sponsored by Action for Happiness called “New Ways to Be Happier” with Vanessa King, an expert in positive psychology and author of 10 Keys for Happier Living. During the webinar, she asked the question,

“What practices do you do regularly that you know will help you maintain your well-being long term?” 

That’s a question worth thinking about. 

My personal well-being practices

The first two that came to mind were reading and writing. I don’t feel “right” if I don’t read and write every day. Reading for enjoyment and escape, as well as encouragement, education, and inspiration (see “Some Books That Saved My Sanity” for recommendations from a particularly rough time). 

Writing—journaling in particular—is also a foundational practice.

A few additional practices are important for my well-being, too. These include: spending time outside, regular exercise (primarily walking and yoga), getting together with friends. I also really enjoy art journaling…when I take the time to do it.

More well-being practices

What practices you choose to bolster your well-being are as individual as you are. Some popular practices include:

Practicing gratitude. 

Laughing.

Listening to music.

Finding an inspiring song or quote and writing it down. 

Connecting with your faith through prayer or in community with others.

Seeking help from a counselor.

Practicing mindfulness and/or meditation.

Prioritizing well-being is self-care

When you prioritize your well-being, you’re taking care of yourself—your physical, mental, and emotional health. Yes, self-care enables you to be there for others when you’re needed, but there is no reason to justify caring for your well-being. You are a person, therefore you are “worthy” of care, full stop.

When life gets busy, it’s easy to get sloppy with your well-being practices. It happens to everyone. As soon as you can, though, take a moment and look inside to see what you need. What is your heart, your mind, your body crying out for? Rest? A healthy snack? Fifteen minutes with a good book? A meetup with a friend? A long run (or a short walk)? To stand on the grass with your face to the sun?

Well-being is a topic I’m going to continue to explore for myself and for the blog now that my time isn’t so taken up with major life events. Simply having fewer things scheduled every day contributes to my well-being!

Now it’s your turn: What practices do you do regularly that you know will help you maintain your well-being long term?

For more information:

Tips to Improve Your Emotional Well-Being

National Institutes of Health’s Emotional Wellness Toolkit

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

“The people who want to control us through fear and misinformation—the corporations, marketers, politicians—want us to be plugged into our phones or watching TV, because then they can sell us their vision of the world. If we do not get outside, if we do not take a walk out in the fresh air, we do not see our everyday world for what it really is, and we have no vision of our own with which to combat misinformation.”

—Austin Kleon, Keep Going

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Romantic love gets the glory on Valentine’s Day, and as wonderful as it is, I submit that the love we feel for and from our friends is just as valuable.

I count myself lucky to have friends I’ve collected through high school, college, mothers’ groups, horseback riding, art, and more. I even stay in loose touch with one friend I’ve known since second grade (hi, Julie!). I have friends online I’ve never met in person, and it’s no accident that I begin every Happy Little Thoughts newsletter with the words “Dear friends.” 

Happiness and friendships

Good relationships are the single most important factor of a happy life. We all hope that our family relationships will be positive and uplifting, but sadly that’s not always the case. We get to choose our friends, and those friends can help fill our emotional needs and provide support when we need it. Fun with friends is one of the best joys of life.   

I count my friends as some of my biggest blessings, and I don’t know what I’d do without them.

To celebrate the priceless love of friends this Valentine’s Day, here are 10 quotes highlighting different aspects of friendship. Which one is your favorite?

“Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If I had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, I think I should say, ‘sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.’”—C.S. Lewis

💕

“True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island... to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.” –Baltasar Gracian

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“It’s not that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but it’s your best friends who are your diamonds. It’s your best friends who are supremely resilient, made under pressure and of astonishing value. They're everlasting; they can cut glass if they need to.”—Gina Barreca

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“Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief”—Marcus Tullius Cicero

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“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”—Khalil Gibran

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“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.”—Elie Wiesel

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“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”—Anais Nin

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“A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden.”—Unknown

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“True friends are always together in spirit.”—L.M. Montgomery

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“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Happy Valentine’s Day to all my friends. I love you more than words can say!

 

Photo by Daniel Álvasd on Unsplash

Most of the boxes are unpacked, the old house has a For Sale sign in the front yard, and I haven’t had an appointment with a real estate agent/carpet layer/repair professional for one entire week. Could this be the start of my new normal??

I hope so. It’s been so long since I had a regular writing schedule—or “regular” schedule of any kind—that I’m not sure yet how to proceed. I feel like I did when I started this blog in 2009. Where do I go from here?  

That’s where you come in. Do you still enjoy seeing new posts pop up in your email (see “Subscribe to posts” on the sidebar if you want to receive posts this way), your feed reader, or when you randomly visit Catching Happiness? I am so grateful for the faithful readers who have joined me over the years; your comments have meant so much to me. Is there something in particular you’d like to see covered on Catching Happiness? Is blogging dead and Substack (or another platform) the preferred way to connect?

When my life isn’t absolutely insane, I love writing and curating content for Catching Happiness. I want to keep writing posts about topics such as happiness, positive psychology, and living a rewarding life. I still want to share personal essay-type stories, the occasional Link Love and inspirational quote.

I’ve grown older and my stage of life has changed, so some of my perspectives and favorite topics have changed as well. And likely will continue to change. Experiences that loomed large a few years ago—raising a child, being deeply involved in horsemanship—are no longer quite the same. (I still have the child and the horse, but my day-to-day interaction with both is quite different!) I would like to continue exploring the pursuit of happiness right here, with you.

For now, that’s what I plan to do, unless I get a big wave of feedback that convinces me otherwise. Consider yourself warned. 😊

Image by Albrecht Fietz from Pixabay

By now, many of the people I follow online have shared their lists of goals and expectations for 2025. I’ve been too involved in unpacking, decision-making, and continuing home improvement projects at both our old home and our new one to spend much time contemplating goals and plans for a new year. Truth be told, in the past, I’ve not been very successful at following through on goals intended to be accomplished over the course of a year. This form of goal setting doesn’t work for me.

I still have goals I would like to see accomplished by the end of this year, but I’ve got to find a more effective way to set and break them down. The first approach I’m going to try is to set goals by quarter. This method can take into account seasonal energy shifts, what outside events are taking place in my life, and if something isn’t going well after three months, I can regroup and reevaluate. I’m still figuring this out, but if I make any breakthroughs, I’ll be sure to share them!

What about word of the year?

It’s been my practice for years to choose a word of the year as a sort of theme/guide/stated wish for the year. Some years a word leaps out at me (as in 2018 and 2019). This year, I had to work to find a word that resonated.    

It’s likely that this year’s word was harder to pin down because I have two forces fighting inside me: “Come on, Woman, let’s set new, ambitious goals; let’s be more productive and GET THINGS DONE; c’mon, c’mon, let’s go…”

And

“OK, Sweetheart, it’s been a rough couple of years, let’s take some time to heal and regroup. You’re tired. Why not take care of yourself? You need more down time, not a longer to-do list.”

It took me a few days of test-driving possibilities, but I found a word I think will help with both parts of my inner monologue: Ease.

This word can be both noun and verb. As a noun, ease is the state of being comfortable or relaxed, free of worry or pain. The verb means to free something that pains, disquiets, or burdens; to lessen the pressure or tension; to maneuver gently or carefully to make less difficult.

That sounds perfect.

It is my desire to be comfortable, relaxed and free of worry. It is also my desire to maneuver gently and carefully to make life less difficult.

The last couple of years have worn me down physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’ve spent more time reacting than acting, my time primarily taken up by activities I didn’t ask for or want. There are some areas of my life that still need some tender care to replenish, but I also have more time to use productively in support of outward-facing goals.

Notice the word is ease, not easy. I’m not asking for easy (though easier wouldn’t come amiss). In my mind, ease means a change of attitude and how I approach things. Instead of forcing, rushing, and overscheduling, I will have an attitude of easing them along. I won’t make things harder than they need to be by my own ways of thinking and being. I can see myself turning to ease when I start to feel upset about something—how can I incorporate ease into this situation?

So that’s how far I’ve gotten in planning for the year 2025. I’m easing into it!

Have you set goals for 2025 or chosen a word of the year? What are you looking forward to? Please share in the comments!

Photo courtesy Sammy Sander via Pixabay

I lived for many years in the area of Southern California that is currently burning. So far, to my knowledge and with one exception, my friends are safe and have not had to evacuate. The exception? A college friend lost her family home of 33 years in the Eaton fire.

Recovering after a hurricane is terrible—but recovering after a fire? I imagine it’s worse. With a hurricane, unless you’re in the very worst of it, your house is likely still standing and you can salvage personal belongings. With a fire like the ones raging now, all that’s left is ash.

I was talking about the fires with a friend, and she mentioned Robert Frost’s poem, Fire and Ice, in passing. I looked it up, and in a few short lines, using the metaphors of fire and ice, he notes the danger of destruction we face from both desire and hate. Here is Frost’s poem:

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I’ve tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

While many, many people are helping survivors and firefighters, there are always the few who lead with hate. Whose first response is to point fingers, spread misinformation, and react with glee to the misfortune of others. These reactions just add to the pain and confusion. Almost every situation is more complicated and nuanced than we can easily comprehend.

The scale of the disasters the U.S. has faced this year is mind-blowing. I find myself grieving and overwhelmed, wondering what I can do. It’s too easy to do nothing, when what you can do seems insufficient. I recently came upon a saying, credited to Andy Stanley, that has helped me:

Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.

I can be kind to those I come into contact with every day. (This means online as well as in person!)

I can look for the positive rather than focus on the negative.

And while I can’t go to L.A. and distribute food and clothes, I can donate money to organizations who are on the ground helping out. It might not be much, but maybe it can help one person. Helping one person is better than helping no one.

If you would like to help, click here for the Los Angeles Times’ guide to helping victims of the Southern California fires. 

To double check the legitimacy of charitable organizations, visit the Charity Navigator website. 

My friend has a GoFundMe page to help her family rebuild their home, which you can find here.

My friend Kerri organized a GoFundMe page for her friend who also lost everything, here. 

Calendar courtesy of Action for Happiness

Just wanted to pop in to wish you all a happy New Year, and share a few resources to help 2025 get off to a positive start. I have no affiliation with these people or organizations, but I have enjoyed and benefited from their offerings in the past. Here’s to a happier new year!

Check out 10 Days of Happiness—a free online program to boost your wellbeing. 

Click here to download your own Action for Happiness Happier January calendar (see image above). 

Design your year with Gretchen Rubin. 

Instead of charging into 2025, why not enjoy a “Gentle January”? This really appeals to me right now as I sit in my house full of boxes! (But hurry, because the live event is tomorrow, Jan. 2. Replay is available, but I think you need to be signed up in order to receive it.)

Remind yourself that good things happen, even when times feel hard. (Many of the most positive things are happening in countries other than my own. It’s helpful to remember that eliminating suffering anywhere is a good thing.) 

Wishing you all a joyful 2025. Now back to unpacking…