Do you ever feel not quite yourself? Like you’ve gone
missing in your own life? Activities you used to enjoy leave you flat. You
don’t feel like doing/eating/talking about any of the things you usually enjoy,
but you’re not sure what sounds enticing. If anything. You’re not depressed,
exactly, but nothing brings you the joy it once did.
You feel like you’re wearing a [your name here] suit, just
going through the motions of living your life.
Why would you go missing?
There are several reasons you might not feel like yourself.
You could simply be going through a period of natural growth in your life. You
could have recently come through some type of change or transition. You could
be burnt out and overwhelmed from coping with life’s circumstances. Probably
there are as many causes as there are missing persons. It pays to think about
what might be causing you to go missing, since your solution for how to come
home to yourself may depend on the reason you’re feeling that way.
For me, it’s a combination of coping with the COVID-19 pandemic
(completely withdrawing from the world, then trying to reenter it), the
uncertainty of my mother-in-law’s condition, and a bit of burnout related to my
writing life.
A turning point—I hope
Last Friday, my friend Laure Ferlita invited me to meet her at a local flower farm for some photo taking (see photo at the top of this post) and on-location sketching. I happily agreed—the combination of wonderful weather, the chance to see my friend, and even to refill my creative well was irresistible. While my sketching was definitely rusty, I deeply enjoyed the experience of getting out of the house, breathing the fresh air, and talking with my friend. This little outing woke me up from the sleepwalking I’ve been doing. And while I’m still groggy, I feel like I want to wake up all the way.
Coming home to yourself
I’m slowly embracing the process of coming home to myself. Here’s
what I’m doing—and anyone else who’s not feeling quite themselves is welcome to
join me. Nothing here is revolutionary, but taken together, these things seem
to be bringing me back to myself, and I think they’ll help you, too.
Take some quiet time just to listen to your thoughts. Enjoy
the literal quiet, or put on some instrumental music you find uplifting.
Simplify everything. Reread a favorite book. Eat a favorite food slowly and
mindfully. Ask for help if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Take walks. Journal. Treat
yourself kindly, and be curious and kind to the “new” you.
Laure also offered me some good advice when I was lamenting my
lack of motivation: “Take a small step every day. What I have found and still
find is that it really doesn’t matter what it is you do. It’s about the actions
of choosing, doing and finishing. Once I start choosing tasks, and taking
steps, the direction usually becomes evident.” I have found this to be true,
even when the task is as small as doing a load of laundry or watering my plants.
Most of all, keep trying—don’t give up.
There are indications that this process is working for me. This week I ordered my planner for 2023 (planners play an outsize role in my happiness 😉), which means I’m thinking about making plans for a new year. I’ve started anticipating the holiday season rather than dreading it (the thought of all the extra to-dos made me want to cry rather than celebrate). It’s a start. And it’s enough for now.
What do you do to come home to yourself?
