Preparing

Weathering Summer Storms

August 13, 2018


It starts with a grumble in the east. You quickly glance up at the sky—what’s the cloud situation? Is there lightning? The Spanish moss hangs limp from the oak trees and there’s not a whisper of breeze.

It’s still sunny where you are, but puffy clouds edged with gray appear, racing across the sky. A summer storm approaches.

Quickly the blue sky turns gray, the air temperature drops, the rumbling surrounds you. Sometimes the light takes on an eerie green tinge.

The house shakes the next time the thunder booms, and you begin to see lightning flashes. In moments, the rain begins to spatter the ground, speckling the pavement. The rain whispers or rustles or thuds, depending on how hard it’s coming down. If you’re lucky, you’re inside, cozily watching. If you’re unlucky enough to be out and about, you’re probably drenched despite your umbrella. You might take off your sandals so they don’t get ruined, and run through the parking lot to get to your car. (Or is that just me?)

After a few moments—or an hour—the sun may shine through the rain. This is what’s known as a sun shower. Or a rainbow will appear. Your gift for weathering another summer storm.

Sometimes we can see the storm coming from a long way away and we can prepare at least somewhat, as my family and I did last summer when Hurricane Irma was bearing down on us. Sometimes a storm appears seemingly out of nowhere and we’re forced to take cover until the worst is over. Afterwards, we pick up the pieces.

What’s true of the weather is also true of our lives. Sometimes we see the storm coming, other times it takes us by surprise and all we can do is hold on. If you’re in the midst of a storm, know that it will end, and that you may very well find a world made new on the other side. If you’re watching a storm on the horizon, what can you do to prepare for it? And if you’re currently enjoying a stretch of beautiful weather, savor every moment of it, knowing that soon enough, the storms will come.

What storms have you weathered lately?


Depression

Before, During and After: Coping With the Dark Side

June 16, 2014

Every happy life contains some unhappy moments, hours, even days. Like everyone, I’ve experienced my share of times when happiness seems just out of reach—I can see it, but I can’t catch it! I’ve also had to cope with periods of depression, what I’ve called the dark side. It’s during these unhappy moments that we most need support, encouragement and comfort, and also when we’re least able to ask for what we need, let alone give it to ourselves. I’ve been paying better attention to ways to support myself to keep the dark moments from becoming overwhelming and lingering too long—preparing support before I need it. Perhaps these things will help you during your own dark times.

Before
The first thing to do to cope with dark times is to avoid or minimize them in the first place—at least dark times that are essentially of our own making. I know I can push myself into the dark side by abusing my body and soul—by eating poorly, not sleeping enough, over-scheduling myself and ignoring my deepest needs. When I’m doing the things I know I need, I’m much less likely to fall into a depression. That means I need to eat healthy, move my body, sleep, and allow myself to play and to have down time. I also do better when I’m clear about my priorities, and make sure I take care of the most important ones.

Even if I were perfect in the self-care mentioned above, which I’m not, I would still face times of depression. It’s before the dark side threatens that I list and collect items that make me feel comforted—things like favorite foods, books and movies that make me laugh or conjure up a happier time (recently, Columbo reruns—they remind me of my childhood). Inspired by Gretchen Rubin’s (author of The Happiness Project) Happiness Box filled with “little trinkets meant to trigger happy thoughts and memories,” I have hanging on my office wall a display of the ephemera of this year’s happy experiences—visual reminders of how much good I have in my life.

Happy mementos
Before the dark side looms is also the time to think about those I can call on for help when I’m feeling down. I still need to work on this because I tend to hole up on my own when I’m feeling down.

During
When I’m unable to avoid the dark side, I’ve found a few things that help me feel better. Here are some of them:

1. Wear a favorite perfume—I usually reach for the Tea Olive perfume I bought in New Orleans a few years ago. Not only does it smell good, it reminds me of a happy time.

2. Accomplish something, no matter how small. On days when what I really want to do is put my head on my desk and cry, I choose a small, relatively pleasant action—file some papers, wash and put away a load of laundry, trim a spent orchid flower spike.

3. Give myself permission to take it easy…temporarily. Sometimes a dark episode is brought on by simple exhaustion. A break from the usual, busy routine should help. I try not to fall into complete lethargy for too long, however (see previous suggestion).

4. Remember this, too, shall pass. (And if it doesn’t, it’s time to seek help.)

5. Be kind and gentle with myself. As The Bloggess says, “Depression lies.” When I’m down in the dumps, I suddenly see all my flaws glaring at me. Every negative comment anyone has ever made to me comes back, amplified. I (in)conveniently forget every kind comment and any and all strengths I have. I know I should firmly put aside the negative voices in my head.

6. Limit access to bad news—I stay off the internet (unless I’m visiting a site like Cute Overload or one of my favorite blogs), don’t read the paper or watch the news on TV. Now is the time to enjoy the comforting items I stockpiled earlier.

After
When I’m feeling better, I think about what led up to the darkness. Are there any adjustments to be made? What can I learn about myself from it? Am I consistently ignoring or denying my deep desires? Do I even know what I want—many people, myself included, aren’t always completely sure.

Am I feeling overworked and overwhelmed? Or am I bored with life and looking to do something worthwhile, to be challenged?

I wish I could say that I consistently do all these things, but I’m still learning how to care for myself before, during and after a visit to the dark side. The very nature of depression makes self-care hard, but I’m not giving up. Coming out of the dark just makes the light so much brighter.

How do you support and care for yourself during dark times?

Everyday adventures

When the Storms Come

August 29, 2011



This weekend, we watched as Hurricane Irene sashayed up the East Coast, killing 21, flooding cities all the way up into Canada and leaving millions without power—and her effects were not as bad as feared!

Since we live in Florida’s Tampa Bay area, we’re intimately familiar with hurricanes. Though we’ve been spared the past few years, in 2004 and 2005, eight hurricanes blew through here. Our home was undamaged, but we lost electricity several times, an uncomfortable situation in sticky August. I learned how important being prepared could be, and after struggling along with candles and flashlights, I finally bought battery-operated lamps, and fans to help us keep from getting too hot. Now every year at the end of May, I pull out my list of recommended items to have on hand: water, canned and packaged food, first aid supplies, medications, pet food, and so on. I remind myself that this year could be the year we get a direct hit and not to get complacent.

It occurred to me that in the same manner I prepare for physical storms, I could also prepare for emotional storms that come my way. Just as I stock up on water and food and batteries, I could “stock up” on things that soothe me when I’m angry, sad or just emotionally overwhelmed.

The key to hurricane preparedness is to make ongoing preparations, not wait until a storm is bearing down on you. You don’t want to go to the grocery store and find the shelves bare, do you? Just so, the time to prepare for an emotional hurricane is before the winds begin to pick up and the rain pours. Here are some things in my emotional hurricane kit:

Affirmations and inspiring quotes written on 3 x 5 cards. I look through these during times of emotional upheaval. One example: “We insist that we can’t possibly be happy until tomorrow, when things change. But if happiness is possible tomorrow, it is possible today. If love is possible tomorrow, it is possible today. We can find healing even if nothing changes” (quoted from Life Lessons: Two Experts on Death and Dying Teach Us About the Mysteries of Life and Living, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler).

Something funny and light to read at bedtime. I’m currently reading The Provincial Lady in London, by E.M. Delafield. I find her mild, dry humor very soothing and perfect for bedtime. I also love Bill Bryson’s I’m a Stranger Here Myself, Dave Barry’s compilations of columns, and even the occasional Baby Blues comic collection. I’d rather go to sleep laughing than crying, wouldn’t you?

“Quiet time” every morning. Every day, I spend a half hour or so reading inspirational or spiritual material in an effort to begin my day with right thinking and emotional health. I also write morning pages, a practice described by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way. I feel morning pages help both to clear out my brain of non-essentials and jump start my creative thinking. I do believe in something larger than myself, whether you call it God or the Universe or some other man-made term, so I often express gratitude and ask for inspiration.

Keeping physical needs met. I’ve learned that to avoid unnecessary emotional storms, I should get enough rest, exercise regularly, eat as healthy as possible and not overschedule myself. Becoming a martyr and not caring for myself properly is just asking for a storm.

When all else fails: good chocolate! I know it’s best not to comfort myself with food. However. I find the dark, rich stuff is satisfying in small amounts and if I tuck it away where I don’t see it constantly, I don’t eat too much, and it’s there when a little bit of sweetness is most welcome.

Despite the damage and suffering, which I do not wish to make light of in any way, people seemed mostly prepared for Hurricane Irene and took appropriate precautions, probably saving many lives. Unlike a literal hurricane which can be identified and tracked long before it reaches land, you never know when an emotional storm will blow through. That’s all the more reason to nourish yourself spiritually, emotionally and physically every day so you can be ready when the storms come.

How do you prepare for and weather the emotional storms of life?