Quotes

The Quiet of Alone

February 19, 2021


“We’re spread so thin there’s nothing left for us. But here’s the thing: Time alone is as essential as breathing.

“Time to check in with ourselves, to sit in the core of who we are and uncover what’s really going on in there. If our cells are repaired while we sleep, then our heart is renewed in the quiet of the alone. And it’s there in the stillness that we truly get to know ourselves, learning how to live with genuine curiosity and desire, rather than need and avoidance.”

—Susannah Conway, This I Know

 

Coffee

Morning Quiet

March 04, 2013



I cup my warm mug of coffee between both hands as I walk back to my office. Is there anything better than that first sip of coffee in the morning? I brew a mixture of half vanilla-flavored coffee and half plain coffee, keeping both myself and my husband happy. (Guess who likes the flavored coffee?) That first sip tastes so good, especially when followed up with a bit of cranberry orange scone. I use the coffee pot’s timer so when I get up the house smells like coffee and it’s ready for me to pour.

The sky over the trees gradually lightens, flushing pale pink to salmon. I look around my office at the many things I love: books, art supplies, pictures, little knick knacks. The birds begin to wake up, chattering and chirping in the trees. A pair of cardinals takes turns at the bird feeder.

Everyone else is still asleep—even the dog. I sit in my rocking chair—the one I’ve had since my son was an infant. How many hours did we spend here together, while I fed him, read or sang to him as he lay cradled in my arms or sleeping on my shoulder? He’s 18 and more than six feet tall now.

It feels like I’m all alone in the world. I watch the Spanish moss sway in the slightest of breezes. I pick up the notebook I use for morning pages, the cardboard cover smooth beneath my fingers. I like to use composition books for morning pages. They’re a nice, portable size and sturdy enough to be used for months at a time. And they now come in many pretty designs—I usually stock up at the beginning of the school year when there’s more to choose from.  Some mornings words flow unstoppable from my pen as I perform a sort of brain dump onto the page, lightening myself for the day ahead, working through my plans, clearing out emotional fogs, aches and pains, happinesses. After I fill my three pages, my hand and arm ache pleasantly and I know that at least for today I’ve written something, even if no one else ever sees it. (My husband says when I die he’s going to read all my notebooks and journals. I say go right ahead—I won’t care at that point!)

I used to be a night person, loving to stay up past when others went to sleep. Now I’m too tired by nightfall, and I’d have a hard time staying up past when my son goes to bed (I think he’s nocturnal). I still love the beautiful, quiet hours near midnight. They still feel magical if I ever manage to stay awake that long. Perhaps I’ll gravitate back towards being a night person again when I no longer need to get up so early in the morning.

Both late night and early morning share something in common: solitude. I have a great need for solitude and quiet which I struggle hard to meet. My husband works at home and is always around. We still have our son at home. I’m lucky to get an hour or two alone in my home each week. I try to make up for that by getting up before everyone else in the morning.

Pretty soon, alarm clocks will go off, the dog will need to be walked, my day’s work will start. But for right now, I’m enjoying my coffee and the morning quiet.

What’s your favorite time of day?


Simple pleasures

Alone

January 09, 2010

My husband just took our son and one of his friends to see Avatar at a theater about 30 minutes away from our home. Add an hour's round-trip travel time to the approximately two hour, 40-minute movie time and you (I) get: nearly four hours alone in my own home.

Yipppppeeeeee!

Sorry. I got excited there for a bit. This might not seem like a big deal to you, but my husband and I both work from home, so the times when I can be alone in my own home are few and far between. I cherish them. I love the quiet, or, alternately, the sound of the music “I” chose, or the TV show/movie I ALONE decided to watch.

Does this sound selfish? Too bad.

For an introvert like myself, alone time is not just a want—it’s a need. I need time to think, time to daydream, time to plan, or read or just do nothing with no one to distract me. That’s why I get up before everyone else on weekdays—so I have at least a few minutes wherein I am all on my own. Time alone recharges me and is utterly essential to my well-being.

Many times I have to leave my house to be alone. I visit the barn or go to the library, or sometimes just step outside to our lanai. It helps. But sometimes, I just like to wander through my domain and bask in the glory that is Solitude. Somehow, when someone else is in the house, his thoughts and desires and opinions get all tangled up with mine. I find I can think more clearly when no one is home.

I don’t think I’d enjoy living alone all the time, however. (I never have lived alone. I moved from my childhood home, to a dorm, to an apartment with a roommate, to an apartment with my husband.) I might enjoy it for a while—the sheer luxury of taking no one else’s needs or opinions into account. But eventually the weight of all the decision-making would get to me. And I would miss having someone to tell things to or consult with. I love my family and we mostly have a happy and peaceful home. I am profoundly grateful for this.

So what shall I do with this bonanza of alone time? What I’ve been trying to do all week: Get quiet with myself. Make some plans for the year; brainstorm some personal and professional goals. Maybe do a “vision board” as described by Christine Kane, or treat myself to a viewing of the new episode of What Not to Wear. But best of all, I can make those choices unencumbered by anyone else’s idea of what I “should” be doing, and unconcerned that I am neglecting anyone else’s needs. For the next four hours, my needs take center stage. So, if you’ll excuse me, I have some recharging to do.