Goals

Making Success Out of Habits

February 12, 2018

It’s mid-February—do you know where your goals are? Are you still working towards them, or have you become discouraged or distracted? 

The excitement of a new year has worn off by now, and most of us are faced with the reality of ongoing effort, of putting one foot in front of the other. Have we made it easy—or at least easier—to be successful in pursuit of our goals and dreams? Have we put in place habits and routines that support reaching them?

I’ve been thinking about habits and routines a lot lately for two reasons:

First, we now have little Luna to teach and take care of, and as we train her, we try to set her up for success—by walking her often, keeping her contained and under supervision (so she doesn’t get into too much trouble!), and praising her when she does things we like. We have a regular schedule, with feeding times (her favorite), play time in the back yard, short obedience training sessions, time she spends quietly in her dog crate, and plenty of praise, cuddling, and petting. We want to make it easy for her to do right, to reach her goal (which we set for her, because…she’s a DOG) of living happily with humans. Having a set routine not only helps her to learn what to do when and what we expect of her, it helps us shape her behavior.

Second, my own routine has been thrown off by the demands of Luna’s routine! At least for now, I have to create new habits and routines to suit my altered situation. It’s a great exercise in flexibility, which I admit I’m not skilled in.

Whatever your goal is, what habits can you develop that will lead to success? If you want to be an artist, are you sketching, painting, or sculpting every day (or most days)? If you want to write a book, are you sitting down with pen and paper or at your computer and getting the words down? If you want to be healthier, are you taking a daily walk, or eating more vegetables, or drinking a glass of water when you wake up? If you want to read more books, are you turning off the TV or computer and setting aside time to read? These habits, this dailyness, leads you forward toward the inevitable: reaching your goal of a finished sketchbook, a healthier body, or an enviable Books Read list.

So if you want to use habits and routines to reach your goals:

  • Choose a habit—it can be as small as you like, as long as you commit to doing it daily or almost every day.

  • Practice your habit until it becomes a routine. 

  • And when your routine is disrupted (which will happen sooner or later), do what you can to maintain some semblance of habit during the disruption. If this isn’t possible, don’t stress about it—just return to your established routine when you can.


What habits and routines do you find most helpful? What habits and routines do you plan to put in place in order to reach your goals?

Ready for action

Acceptance

The Particular Self

February 09, 2018


“…before we can be what we are meant to be, we must accept what we are not. This form of discernment asks us to let go of those grand fantasies that take us out of our nature, that make us work to be famous instead of loving, or perfect instead of compassionate.

“Yet the instant we can accept what is not in our nature, rather than being distracted by all we think we could or should be, then all our inner resources are free to transform us into the particular self we are aching to be.”
—Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

Chaos

Happy Little Things: We Adopted a Puppy!

February 05, 2018

Meet Luna, the newest addition to the Catching Happiness family:


It’s been more than two years since we lost our family dog, Scout. My husband especially has been missing the companionship of a dog. After months of discussion, stewing, and trolling adoption websites, we came upon this little face:


She was described as a lab/Jack Russell Terrier mix (though we think she looks more like JRT/beagle or hound). She and her four siblings had been abandoned. We adopted her from a rescue group about a week ago, and they estimated that she is about three months old. We plan to celebrate her birthday on Halloween!

Queen Prudy is curious but allows no unwanted advances.  Since we didn’t change her routine or territory, so far she’s OK with the new arrival. This morning she almost looked like she was ready to play. Fingers crossed they can be friendly, if not friends.

Luna is already sleeping through the night in her crate, and knows how to sit and stay for short periods of time. She’s doing well on housetraining.

(Clearly, she’s gifted J)



Her little tail wags a mile a minute and she greets a 30-second absence from the couch as though it were 30 days. She’s loving and people-oriented, and my husband is thrilled with his new buddy—I think it kills him just a little to leave her to go to work every day. They spent hours outside in the yard together this weekend.

So things are just a bit chaotic here. I work when she naps—just like when my son was a baby. She’s helping me to take breaks and go outside, to get out of my head and pay attention, to simply be without feeling I have to multi-task all the time. I know there will be many more simple pleasures and everyday adventures ahead for us and I look forward to them all.

Pooped puppy

What’s making you happy right now?

Courtney Carver

Perfect Isn't Real

February 02, 2018

Photo courtesy Iva Balk

“…your story doesn’t have to be perfect or complete to inspire others. After all, perfect isn’t real. We cannot connect with, or be moved or changed by perfection.”
—Courtney Carver, Soulful Simplicity

Epiphanies

Epiphanies Sold Separately

January 29, 2018

Photo by Tj Holowaychuk on Unsplash

Recently I read a blog post that I really liked. I liked it so much, that I immediately wanted to use the same format to write one of my own. It started with an epiphany, and went on give an example from the author’s life of how she grew to understand the epiphany.

As I sat in my office rocking chair, pen and paper in hand, I wondered, “Why can’t I think of any epiphanies and great stories like this to share with my readers?” I mulled it over for a while, and there it was…an epiphany about epiphanies (how many times can I write “epiphany” in one post?!):

You can’t force epiphanies.

They come when they come. So much as I would love to have new and brilliant epiphanies to share with you every week, I just…don’t.

Perhaps this is an indicator to me that I need some well-filling—an artist’s date, a mini-break. Noodling time has been scarce for me lately, and I’m feeling the effects. And after all, it is winter. Winter is a time for introspection, staying warm, allowing some dormancy so that spring can bring new growth. A time for gathering thoughts and seeking inspiration.

When searching for life lessons (you thought I was going to write epiphanies, didn’t you?), all you can do is open your mind and heart to what’s around you. Have a humble and teachable attitude. Try not to be oblivious. And even if you do all these things, you may still come out with nothing.

Epiphanies sold separately.

That’s OK—they’re still there, and you’ll—we’ll—find them in due time. At least, that’s what I believe.

Have you had any epiphanies lately?

Action for Happiness

Happy Friday Link Love

January 26, 2018

Hurray for Friday! This has been a busy and happy week for me—how about you? Just in time for the weekend, here are a few links I’ve loved lately:

Do you listen to podcasts? I rarely do, but would like to do so more often. Action for Happiness has some that look good. (What are your favorite podcasts? Suggestions welcomed.)

This post (and this one) would have been perfect last year, when my word of the year was “deeper”. They’re still really great reads for those of us who want to live with depth and intention. Some tidbits: “What a discovery it is, to suddenly see the wealth buried in your own house, or even lining its walls.”

and

“Do we need more and better possessions, relationships, homes, hobbies, skills, and opportunities, or do we simply need turn our efforts towards cultivating our land, rather than prospecting for more and better places to dig?”

If you want to be happier, think like an old person! According to this New York Times article, “When the elders described their lives, they focused not on their declining abilities but on things that they could still do and that they found rewarding.” The author of the article, John Leland, wrote a book about his experiences with six New Yorkers over the age of 85. Happiness Is a Choice You Make: Lessons From a Year Among the Oldest Old was published this week.

Stop by the Good News Network when you’re fed up with bad (or “fake”) news. This was one of my favorite stories, and so was this one.  

Some good advice in “This Is What ‘Self-Care’ Really Means, Because It’s Not All Salt Baths and Chocolate Cake,” including: “If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with ‘treating yourself’ and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.”

I found this article about headwinds and tailwinds thought-provoking. As the article points out, we tend to remember the struggles we’ve had (headwinds) more than the advantages we’ve been given (tailwinds). How can we help provide tailwinds for more people?

I think Tank would be willing to give Prudy a ride, but I don’t think Prudy would be as happy as this cat is:


Everyday adventures

7 Things Making Me Happy Right Now

January 22, 2018

I live in Florida, so I like winter, but I know it’s a challenging season for many people. All the more reason to look for and savor simple pleasures and everyday adventures that will help you through the cold, dark days. I’ll start. Here are seven simple pleasures and everyday adventures making me happy right now:

  • Actually having a “winter”. I’ve been cold. I’ve worn sweaters and jackets and fuzzy socks and we ran the central heat! This is noteworthy in central Florida.

  • A milestone wedding anniversary. My husband and I celebrated our 30th anniversary last week! We’ve now been together far longer than we were alive before we got married. We’re planning a celebratory trip of some kind later in the year.


  • Jigsaw puzzles. I put together a puzzle a friend gave me over the course of a week or so, and I enjoyed it so much! Bonus: this made me realize that if I set up my sketching supplies the way I set up a place to do my puzzle I might actually start sketching again.



  • Riding Tank at full strength. All his owies are gone. We’ve started jumping again. Another bonus: spending time with him without coming home drenched in sweat (see #1).


  • Crazy Aunt Purl is back as crazytourist.com. CAP/Laurie Perry was one of my favorite bloggers when I first started blogging myself. She took a break from writing for a while, but she’s back and as delightful as ever.

  • My Reticular Activating System (RAS). Say what?! The RAS is a part of your brain that “takes what you focus on and creates a filter for it. It then sifts through the data and presents only the pieces that are important to you,” according to Tobias van Schneider, writing on Medium.com. My RAS has been active in looking for flow—I’m seeing it everywhere, including the January 2018 Editor’s Letter in Better Homes and Gardens. (Thanks to my friend Kerri for introducing me to the RAS.)
Your turn! What simple pleasures and everyday adventures are making you happy right now?

Flow

Happiness and Flow

January 19, 2018

Photo by Ray Hennessy on Unsplash

“Happiness is achieved by flowing with the known and the unknown within you, being in a state of simplified simplicity.”
—Pablo Andres Wunderlich Padilla

Attitudes

Making a Friend of Fear

January 15, 2018

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t consider myself brave. My first reaction is to shrink back rather than charge forward. “I am afraid” is one of the limiting beliefs I’ve been doing battle with all my life. And while I’ve found work-arounds for times when I need to push through feeling fearful, I’ve never actually thought about fear in a positive way.

Until last week.


Last week I picked up a pretty and deceptively simple little book, My Friend Fear: Finding Magic in the Unknown (2018, TarcherPerigee), by Meera Lee Patel. Just like reading The Upside of Stress changed my attitude towards stress, reading My Friend Fear triggered a change in my attitude toward fear by helping me see it in a new way.  

Some tidbits:

“Fear is a friend, and it’s here to support you. Like all friendships, the one you have with fear is a two-way street. It requires time, hard work, and honesty in order to become and remain healthy. It requires us to sit with it, listen to it, and try our best to understand it—even though we don’t always know how. Like any friend, fear can help you only if you let it.”

“Becoming aware of fear is the first step to befriending it. After all, how can you become friends with something you’re pretending doesn’t exist?” 

“It’s okay to be afraid. All it means is that there’s something you care deeply about. It’s okay to have fears, as long as you are willing to explore them. It’s okay to hug fear closely, to poke and prod and discover what’s underneath that heavy, dark cloak.”

“Fear is here to help you uncover your greatest wish.”

As I was finishing up My Friend Fear, I picked up my copy of Susan Jeffers’ classic Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. After a quick skim, I realized these two books worked together to help something click in my mind. (Don’t you just love when that happens?)

Here are my epiphanies:

  • Fear will always be there when you step outside your comfort zone. All learning and growth occurs outside of your comfort zone, so unless you want to stop growing, you will always have some fear.
  • The only way to get over being afraid of doing something is to do it.
  • The doing comes first, then the fear fades.
  • Everyone feels this way—I’m not an anomaly.
  • Fear is my friend. It shows me what matters to me.

My tendency has always been to think something was wrong with me when I felt fear, and to push it away instead of listening to it. Or I’d become paralyzed and overwhelmed—the antithesis of flow. 

After reading these two books, I’m changing my response to fear. Instead of trying to “overcome” fear, I want to learn how to be comfortable with it, and with being afraid. I’m no longer going to feel like I shouldn’t be afraid, or that I should just ignore fear and push ahead. I’ll be looking on fear as the friend who highlights the areas of my life that matter the most, the areas where I’m stretching outside my comfort zone. 2018 is already giving me opportunities to test this theory, with new writing projects on the horizon, the chance to help teach a yoga and journaling workshop this weekend, and, in October, a chance to travel to Paris with Laure Ferlita and The Blue Walk. 

Do you welcome fear into your life? What would you do if fear were your friend?

Happiness

Not the Same Happiness

January 12, 2018


Introduction by Ted Kooser: This is the sixth poem we've published by Peter Everwine, which testifies to how much I admire his writing. How fine it is when a memory arrives from the past to surprise us into happiness. Everwine lives in California, and his most recent book is Listening Long and Late from the University of Pittsburgh Press.

The Day

We walked at the edge of the sea, the dog,
still young then, running ahead of us.

Few people. Gulls. A flock of pelicans
circled beyond the swells, then closed
their wings and dropped head-long
into the dazzle of light and sea. You clapped
your hands; the day grew brilliant.

Later we sat at a small table
with wine and food that tasted of the sea.

A perfect day, we said to one another,
so that even when the day ended
and the lights of houses among the hills
came on like a scattering of embers,
we watched it leave without regret.

That night, easing myself toward sleep,
I thought how blindly we stumble ahead
with such hope, a light flares briefly—Ah, Happiness!
then we turn and go on our way again.

But happiness, too, goes on its way,
and years from where we were, I lie awake
in the dark and suddenly it returns—
that day by the sea, that happiness,

though it is not the same happiness,
not the same darkness.


American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2016 by Peter Everwine, “The Day,” from New Letters, (Vol 83, no. 1, 2016-17). Poem reprinted by permission of Peter Everwine and the publisher. Introduction copyright ©2018 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Flow

One Word to Rule Them All—A Closer Look at Choosing a Word of the Year

January 08, 2018

One day in December I was cleaning out our pantry while listening to Marie Forleo interview Tim Ferriss. Something Tim said struck me as I stood in my kitchen, clutching cans of black beans and tuna: 

“What would it look like if it was easy?”

I realized I’m not used to expecting things to come easily. I’m used to expecting to work hard, to struggle, to sweat, to grind it out. What is this concept “easy” of which you speak?!

Because even when “it” is easy, I find a way to make it hard.

It’s my superpower.

I grasp, I cling, I obsess, I worry, I engage in procrastination and perfectionism and many other unhelpful habits.

And you know what, I’m tired. I’m tired of struggling, of swimming upstream, of overwhelming myself in “shoulds” and over-analyzing and over-researching and over- everything.

I’m “over” it.

I realized, standing in my kitchen, listening to Tim and Marie talk, that I want my life and work to flow. And just like that, my 2018 Word of the Year (WOTY) presented itself to me.



My words of the year have often appeared this way, without my having to dig around in my subconscious. A word pops into my head or keeps showing up in what I’m reading and seeing in a fashion impossible to ignore. I’ll roll it around in my brain, noticing how it makes me feel. Is it a word that can apply to multiple areas of my life? Is it a stretch, but not so far outside my comfort zone that I’ll feel constantly intimidated by it? Does it have layers of meaning? Do I get excited at the possibility of having it guide me during the upcoming year? Flow fit the bill for 2018.

It’s always fun seeing the ways my WOTY pops up throughout the year, whether it’s in art, music, or words. I’ve already stumbled on several passages that connect to the concept of flow in my mind. Here’s one paraphrased from the novel The Yellow Eyes of Crocodiles:

“Life is like a dance partner, and if you relax and let yourself go, you’ll find yourself waltzing.”

Doesn’t that sound lovely?

So in 2018, I plan to focus on putting aside things that impede flow, such as fear and perfectionism. I’m going to take up habits and practices that lead to flow, such as Morning Pages, and remembering to take a few moments to plan out my day so that things will run more smoothly. I’m also going to focus on not over-scheduling, because that leads to rushing, and rushing is not flow.

Working with a Word of the Year is a gentle way to set a tone, intention, or expectation for the coming year. It can be as simple or as in depth as you like. In my experience, it can be a useful tool in advancing your goals and enriching your life. 

Have you ever tried choosing a Word of the Year? How did it work for you? 

Pattern

A Place in the Pattern

January 05, 2018

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

“Every piece of the universe, even the tiniest snow crystal, matters somehow. I have a place in the pattern, and so do you.”
—T.A. Barron


Goals

7 Alternatives to Making New Year’s Resolutions

January 01, 2018

Photo by Carolyn V on Unsplash
Does anyone make a New Year’s resolution anymore? There’s a lot of talk about how resolutions are rarely kept, and how most people give up on their goals just a few weeks or months into the year. For a person who wants to set and achieve goals, it can be a frustrating dilemma. If resolutions aren’t an effective way to a better and happier life, what is?

Here are seven alternatives to New Year’s resolutions that just might help you make 2018 your happiest year ever:

Choose a Word of the Year

I’ve done this for eight years, and written about it several times on Catching Happiness. I choose my word to focus on an overall theme or feeling I want to carry through the entire year. I choose it to offset tendencies I want to correct, or to remind myself to choose happiness (“delight”). My word for 2017 was “deeper,” and going deeper into life last year added brilliant new dimensions to my experience. My word for 2018? Flow. For a free Word of the Year tool, click here. To explore the concept further, visit oneword365.com.

Adopt a “Do More ______, Do Less_____” philosophy

For example, “Read more, watch TV less” or “Walk more, eat less junk food.” Deceptively simple, but baby steps work.

Commit to a 30- or 90-day challenge

Choose a habit you want to adopt or a small goal you want to achieve, and work on it for 30 days straight. For larger goals, make a 90-day plan, treating each week as the equivalent of month (see The 12 Week Year for more inspiration and ideas about how to do that.) 

Make a list of simple pleasures and everyday adventures you want to experience

How often do we pack our goal lists with things we want to change or have to work for? This is simply a list of things you look forward to in 2018. Family vacations, books you want to read or movies you want to see in 2018, or a loved one’s wedding/baby/grandchild belong on this list. Try breaking it down like Laura Vanderkam does with her seasonal “fun lists”. 

Write a letter to your future self

Include such things as what you hope to accomplish, how you want to feel, what you’d like to leave behind in the coming year. Open it on Jan. 1, 2019 to see how you did.

Start a gratitude journal, jotting down at least one thing you’re grateful for every day

(Read The Gratitude Diaries for an inspiring look at how gratitude can make your life happier.) 

Join the 7 Things x 2018 Challenge


Fill in the following blanks, and you’ve got some goals for the year:
Learn how to ____________
Start ____________
Stop ____________
Take a vacation to ____________
Find ____________
Try ____________
Be more ____________

Growth contributes to happiness, so setting and reaching goals is one way to feel happier. I hope 2018 holds plenty of growth and happiness for you!

What do you have planned for 2018?

Note: Starting today, I’m changing the usual Catching Happiness posting schedule from Wednesdays and Fridays to Mondays and Fridays. Happy New Year!

Christmas Wishes

December 25, 2017

Will there be carrots under the tree for me?

Wishing you happiness, love, and peace today and every day.

 I'm taking a break from posting this week. I hope you and your family enjoy the last week of 2017.
See you in the New Year!


Dan Buettner

The Blue Zones of Happiness: How to Design a Happier Life

December 22, 2017

“This is a book about designing your life to make it happier.”

With a description like that, how could I resist picking up this book?



There’s plenty of food for thought in Dan Buettner’s new book, The Blue Zones of Happiness: Lessons From the World’s Happiest People (2017, National Geographic). Buettner, the author of several best-sellers about the “Blue Zones”—five places in the world where people live the longest, healthiest lives—focuses this book on what makes people live happier, not just longer. He introduces readers to some of the happiest people in the happiest cities in the world, shares the research-based “Three P’s of Happiness” (pleasure, purpose, and pride), and plenty of strategies and suggestions for creating healthier and happier habits for a greater sense of lasting well-being.

I especially liked the recognition that there are multiple factors that boost happiness. I think everyone is different in what makes them truly happy, and it’s reassuring to think that if one area of your life isn’t bringing satisfaction, other areas can help to make up for it. 

Other takeaways:

1. We should set up our lives to make it easier to feel happy—no willpower involved. We have finite amounts of willpower, and even something as seemingly no-brainer as doing something to make yourself happy shouldn’t rely on willpower:

“What does lead to greater happiness is making changes to your surroundings—to your home, workplace, community, and ultimately your nation. The more you design your home to favor good habits, the better your family will feel simply by living in it. The more friends you make at work the more you’ll look forward to getting the job done. The more your community nudges you out from behind the steering wheel and onto your feet, the better you’ll feel. The more trust you put in your government, the more secure you’ll feel. The challenge is to reshape your life so that you’re constantly being nudged into well-being.”

2. How many moments of happiness we should have to offset negative experiences and feelings:

“Moments of joy, serenity, or inspiration can be easily quashed by worries, doubts, and demands. As a result of their urgency, negative emotions such as fear or anxiety packed a bigger punch than positive ones such as amusement or awe. So people who want to experience an upward spiral of positive experiences could start by organizing their days to include at least three ‘heartfelt’ positive feelings for every ‘heart-wrenching’ negative one. That appears to be the difference between people who are flourishing and those who aren’t, [Barbara] Fredrickson said.”

3. Seeking happiness doesn’t just benefit us—it helps others, too. People who experience more happiness are more resilient when setbacks occur. And happiness ripples through social circles, so that if you become happier, you will likely help those who know and love you become happier also.

4. Happiness boosters, if done too often, can become routine and fail to provide the positive feelings we seek. Learn which happiness boosters to try and how often, and keep varying them.

There are plenty of suggestions throughout the book of practical (though not always easy) steps to take in order to boost happiness. Towards the end, you’ll find the “Happiness Power Nine,” which includes such things as sleeping 7.5 hours+ a night, engaging with the world by getting out of your house and participating in a club or team, volunteering, living in a community that supports well-being, and looking forward by setting goals and monitoring your progress.

If you’re interested in creating a happier life—one of true well-being, not just superficial pleasure—The Blue Zones of Happiness is a worthwhile read.

Please share your happiness habits in the comments below!

For more information:
Take the Happiness Test to see how you rate on the Three P’s of Happiness 

The Blues Zones of Happiness website



Ada Limon

You Say, I Say

December 20, 2017

Photo by Ciprian Boiciuc on Unsplash

Introduction by Ted Kooser: Sit for an hour in any national airport and you’ll see how each of us differs from others in a million ways, and of course that includes not only our physical appearances but our perceptions and opinions. Here’s a poem by Ada Limón, who lives in Kentucky, about difference and the difficulty of resolution.

What It Looks Like To Us and the Words We Use

All these great barns out here in the outskirts,
black creosote boards knee-deep in the bluegrass.
They look so beautifully abandoned, even in use.
You say they look like arks after the sea’s
dried up, I say they look like pirate ships,
and I think of that walk in the valley where
J said, You don’t believe in God? And I said,
No. I believe in this connection we all have
to nature, to each other, to the universe.
And she said, Yeah, God. And how we stood there,
low beasts among the white oaks, Spanish moss,
and spider webs, obsidian shards stuck in our pockets,
woodpecker flurry, and I refused to call it so.
So instead, we looked up at the unruly sky,
its clouds in simple animal shapes we could name
though we knew they were really just clouds—
disorderly, and marvelous, and ours.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2012 by Ada Limón, whose most recent book of poems is Sharks in the Rivers, Milkweed Editions, 2010. Poem reprinted from Poecology, Issue 1, 2011, by permission of Ada Limón and the publisher. Introduction copyright 2013 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Reflection

No Time to Think? Why and How to Make Reflection a Part of Your Life

December 08, 2017



Despite the hoopla surrounding the holiday season, December is a great time to develop the habit of reflection. To reflect is to think deeply or carefully—a practice especially useful as we wrap up an old year and approach a new one.

But reflection is more easily discussed than practiced. The culture in the U.S. is not conducive to reflective thought. Instead, it’s devoted to making us too busy or too distracted by information overload to pause for reflection. (I don’t think it’s just me—but correct me if I’m wrong.)

In addition, reflection is sometimes uncomfortable. It can reveal to us areas of conflict, deep desires that have gone unmet, ways we fall short, things we’re afraid of. I guarantee that if we have a few minutes of thinking time, whatever problem we’re facing will pop up and demand attention.

Even though it can be uncomfortable, if we use our reflection time wisely we may be able to make some progress solving those issues that come to mind, rather than pushing them aside. We should be careful, however, that we don’t turn our reflection time into a way to beat ourselves up for not being and doing enough.

Reflection doesn’t always have to be about problem solving, of course. It can—and should—also be a time simply to think about what’s happening in our lives, what we’re grateful for, that great book we read, or some new thing we recently learned. Reflection gives us the opportunity to pay attention to our lives, rather than just living them.

Taking the time to reflect fosters growth, insight, and wisdom. We make connections between seemingly unrelated things, solve problems, and see new ways of approaching challenges. When we’re especially busy—like while we’re prepping for the holidays—it’s even more important to take time for reflection.

I’ve gotten out of the habit of making time to think, so I’m going to take my own advice and start making reflection a regular habit. If you want to join me, here are some simple tips that should help:

Schedule time for reflection. It doesn’t have to be a long period of time, but it should be regular. Say every Sunday night from 8 to 8:30, for example.

Make space for reflection. A comfortable chair in quiet area is ideal. Or, if the weather permits, take a walk and let your thoughts wander with you.

Keep a notebook or journal handy. If you’re like me, you’ll likely have something to jot down.

What should we think about? Anything we want! We can let our thoughts drift, or we can make note of a question we want to ponder. We may want to think through a particular challenge, reflect on an experience, or some new thing we learned.

(One way to jump start your reflections is to use prompt questions. One of my favorite end-of-the-year tools can be found in this post on Sandra Pawula’s blog, Always Well Within.)

Do you have any tips for establishing a habit of reflection? Please share in the comments!

Confucius

The Noblest Way to Learn Wisdom

December 06, 2017

Photo by Josh Adamski on Unsplash

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”
—Confucius


30-Day Gratitude Photo Challenge: 2017 Edition

2017 Gratitude Challenge Recap

December 01, 2017

Yesterday was the last day of Positively Present’s 30-Day Gratitude Challenge. I’ve done this challenge four times now, and every year I learn something new about gratitude.

The point of the challenge, for me, is to become more aware of the large and small things I’m grateful for. So many times they get lost in the shuffle of daily living. I’m ashamed to say that I take many things for granted. (I also loved reading other people’s #Gratitude30 entries. We’re all so different, yet somehow the same!)

Here are a few of my favorite 2017 prompts (entries have been slightly edited to remove Instagram-ese):


Day 1 (Beauty): I didn’t have to go far to find today’s prompt… Just out my back door. Thanks to my husband, I have the backyard I’ve always wanted. I’m grateful for his efforts, and for the beautiful flowers that bloom nearly year-round in Florida.


Day 9 (Feelings): I used to be afraid that my feelings would overwhelm me. Then I started taking yoga classes and learning about meditation. I learned I could watch my feelings and thoughts, and that as long as I didn’t cling to them or push them aside they would simply…flow (like the ripples in this photo). Sometimes I write out my feelings, both to figure out what they are, and to help with the flow process. I’m grateful for the peace of knowing this, too, shall pass.


Day 14 (Challenges): Some of the best rewards in life come with a heaping helping of challenge. Like this guy here. Learning how to ride and care for a horse as an adult has been physically, mentally, and financially challenging, but worth every minute. I’m grateful for what I’ve learned from him and from all the horse people I’ve met along the way.


Day 17 (Memories): These photos were taken in New Orleans back in 2010, on a trip with Laure Ferlita, and they remind me of “les bon temps” we shared exploring that fascinating city. Oh, how I would love to go back to New Orleans. The food, the music, the people, the architecture…and did I mention the food?

Day 30 (Growth): 2017 has been a challenging year in many ways, and it forced me to grow, even when I’d have preferred to stay in my comfort zone. I hate to admit it (and this is not an invitation to the universe to send me adversity), but I’m grateful for the growth from those challenges. And I intend to keep growing like this little flower, blooming in a crevice between rocks.
What are you most grateful for in 2017?

Books

Happy Birthday, Louisa May Alcott

November 29, 2017

Louisa May Alcott is a heroine of mine—more because of the person she was than because of her writing (though I enjoy that, too). She was born 185 years ago today, and in honor of her birthday, here are two happiness-related quotes attributed to her:

“The power of finding beauty in the humblest things makes home happy and life lovely.”

“One of the sweet things about pain and sorrow is that they show us how well we are loved, how much kindness there is in the world, and how easily we can make others happy in the same way when they need help and sympathy.”

In 2013, my husband and I visited Orchard House, her family home in Concord, MA, pictured below. (I wrote about it briefly here.) 

If you want to know more about Louisa May Alcott, check out Louisa May Alcott: The Woman Behind Little Women. I’m currently reading Louisa May Alcott: An Intimate Anthology and enjoying it very much.

Are you a Louisa May Alcott fan? Which of her books is your favorite?


Black Friday Link Love

November 24, 2017

Rather than participate in Black Friday, my husband and I are enjoying a short break from the usual routine, and fighting crowds for bargains doesn’t qualify as “a break” in either of our minds. In case you’re off today and have a little time for some web surfing, here are a few fun and thought-provoking tidbits I’ve found online recently—no lines and no waiting:

I loved Positively Present’s 2017 Holiday Gift Guide—there’s something for everyone on this list, and I guarantee you no one will return your gift. 

Doing nothing is harder than you think.

I found “How to Go from Discouraged to Empowered in a Scary World,” by Sandra Pawula at Always Well Within an encouraging read.   

Seth Godin on “Full vs. Enough.”  


Do To-Do lists work for you? If they don’t, you might want to try one of the other types of lists described by Gretchen Rubin in “The Surprising Truth About Why Your To-Do List May Be Failing You.” 

Don’t forget Giving Tuesday next week—it’s a good way to share with others, and in some instances, your donation will be matched. Click here to read about how that works.

I don’t think I’ve shared this before, but even if I have, it’s too good not to share again.

Have a happy Friday, Black or otherwise!



G.K. Chesterton

The Critical Thing

November 22, 2017



“When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted
or take them with gratitude.”
—G.K. Chesterton

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day here in the United States. Wishing you a very happy day, whether or not celebrating Thanksgiving is a part of your tradition!