Most of us are thinking of what we and our loved ones would like as gifts this holiday season. Along with the wish lists we generally have, what about a gift we can give ourselves: the gift of permission? Here are three things we should give ourselves permission to do:

Permission to have the life you want
Do you, deep down, believe you deserve the life you want? If you don’t, your dream life will never become real. Women in particular often put others’ needs first, and sacrifice their own goals and dreams in favor of helping others achieve theirs. This is not all bad, of course. Many of us find deep satisfaction in helping others. It becomes a problem when you always sacrifice your own dreams and wishes in favor of others’ and never or rarely have a chance to pursue your own passions and pleasures.

Joy Chudacoff writes in “Smart Women Give Themselves Permission,” “There comes a time when you will begin to feel a calling to create more of what you prefer in your own life. It does not mean that you do not love and care for all of those people who mean so much to you. It’s a signal that the time has come for you to embrace more of who you uniquely are.”

This is definitely an issue for me: why do I “deserve” to have my dreams come true—owning my own horse, working as a freelancer (i.e., often getting paid more in satisfaction than in money), simply having what I have in my life? I feel guilty because I have the time and resources to pursue the life of my dreams, and then I begin to dissipate my energy to such an extent that I no longer do have the time and resources to do what I want. I realize I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me it’s OK to have the life I want. The truth is, I deserve the life I want just as much as—not more than, not less than—any other human being does. And so do you.

Permission to be imperfect
I’m not saying you consciously think you have to be “perfect,” but I’ll bet you think you should be better. We could all be “better” than we are—it’s part of the human condition to be imperfect. If you’re like me, you can probably name 25 things you wish were different about you and your life. Stop worrying over that and feeling guilty about it and give yourself permission to be imperfect. Admit your flaws, then realize that’s just how it is right now. If it’s truly something that must be changed, then commit to changing, but refuse to wallow in the feeling that somehow you should have already overcome this problem and you’re a bad person for not having done so. (Channel Popeye by saying, “I yam what I yam.”)

Permission to try and succeed…or to try and fail
This is one of my biggest issues. When I have a big, hairy goal or project in mind, I often become paralyzed, equally worried about succeeding or failing! If I fail, I’ll be embarrassed and disappointed in myself. If I succeed, people might expect more of me and then I could fail their expectations—or my own. Safer and more comfortable just to do nothing.

And what if trying for your big, hairy goal causes someone in your life discomfort or inconvenience? That may be true. How often does someone else’s important goal cause you discomfort or inconvenience? How do you feel about that? Probably you feel that’s OK, within reason, if the other person’s activity or achievement is important enough to them. (I also refer you back to my first point.)

Regardless of success or failure, you should give yourself permission to try. Either outcome is better than not making the attempt.

So this is what we’re going to do. I give you permission to follow your dreams, to learn something new, to succeed, to do something badly, to be imperfect. And you do the same for me. But truthfully, we don’t really need each other’s permission, do we?

What would you do if you had “permission”?

Seen on a store window in New Orleans

Cheryl at Scrappy Cat recently posted a review of Going After Cacciato, a book she’d just finished for a reading challenge. I’ve enjoyed reading her reviews of the challenge books she’s read this year, so I asked if she’s planning to participate in another challenge in 2011—she is, the War Through the Generations Challenge. When she asked if I knew of any reading challenges for 2011, I decided I’d do a little internet poking around to see what challenges readers are planning in 2011. Two blogs I found, A Novel Challenge and Book Obsessed, list a number of different and interesting challenges, including the following:

I'm not sure I'm quite up for the 50 States Reading Challenge, but I think just choosing the books would be a lot of fun. The goal is to read a book set in each of the 50 U.S. states, and books can be in any genre, including audiobooks.

I'm definitely participating in the Off the Shelf Challenge--"Are your books multiplying like rabbits before you even get a chance to read them? Trying to keep up with them, but can't stop buying new ones? Maybe this challenge is for you. I know what it's like. There's so many titles and so many beautiful books out there sometimes it's hard to keep that TBR shelf under control..." Challenge levels include: "Tempted--Choose 5 books to read" all the way up to "Buried--Choose 126 to 200 books to read." (I see some people are worse off than I am!)


And just for fun, I'm going to do the 2011 Vintage Mystery Reading Challenge--"A challenge for all you mystery lovers out there who already love mysteries from the years prior to 1960 and also anyone who's ever thought, 'I should give Agatha Christie (Dorothy L Sayers...Sir Arthur Conan Doyle...etc) a try.'" I love mysteries, especially ones from this era, so I don't know if this even counts as a challenge--maybe more of an excuse to read the kind of book I love! (If this one sounds good to you, too, today is the last day to sign up.)

I've never participated in an "official" reading challenge before. I tend to be an impulsive reader and I like to have plenty of freedom be able to follow my whims. I consider reading primarily fun—not something that should become a chore or responsibility. On the other hand, I really need to weed out my To Be Read collection, and I love discovering new authors and compelling books—opening up my reading world, so to speak. And it's OK if books fulfill more than one of the challenges, so ideally, I'd find a vintage mystery set in one of the 50 states already on my TBR shelf...

Are you planning to participate in any reading challenges in 2011? If so, which ones? If not, do you have any kind of reading goals or plans, or are you more like I usually am…a rambling and random reader?