I found my own “treasure within a treasure”! I bought The Art of Happiness at my
library’s used book store, and this was inside:
A happy little surprise, and the simplest of simple pleasures.
What was your happy surprise today?
Jane Hirshfield, who lives in the San
Francisco Bay
The Promise
The Promise
Stay, I said
to the cut flowers.
They bowed
their heads lower.
Stay, I said to the spider,
who fled.
Stay, leaf.
It reddened,
embarrassed for me and itself.
Stay, I said to my body.
It sat as a dog does,
obedient for a moment,
soon starting to tremble.
Stay, to the earth
of riverine valley meadows,
of fossiled escarpments,
of limestone and sandstone.
It looked back
with a changing expression, in silence.
Stay, I said to my loves.
Each answered,
Always.
American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry
Foundation www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine.
It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of
Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2011 by Jane Hirshfield, from her most recent
book of poems, Come, Thief, Alfred A. Knopf, 2011. Poem reprinted by
permission of Jane Hirshfield and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2012
by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction's author, Ted Kooser, served as
United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress
from 2004-2006.
Since choosing “passion” as my word of the year, I’ve felt
peculiarly passion-less. Ho hum.
Frustrated and overwhelmed, yes. Lazy, yup. Motivated to pursue my passions?
Uh, not really. What’s wrong with me?
Apparently, just choosing passion as a watchword doesn’t do
it for me. I actually have to think about passion and do something to ignite it. In pondering this subject, I’ve found a
few ways to reignite my flickering pilot light—maybe you’d be interested in hearing
about what I’ve learned?
Perhaps the simplest trick is to set myself a specific and achievable goal. My horse, Tank, is one
of my passions, but this time of year because of the heat and humidity, I find
it more and more difficult to get myself down to the barn. When I’m there, I
often choose not to do anything with him, but groom him and let him graze.
Despite the whole “I can’t believe I have a horse” thing, I get just the
tiniest bit bored, and we don’t really make any progress as a team. Hanging out
is fine, but there are many things I’d like to learn—like trick or agility
training, and how to do equine massage—and I want to keep up with our Parelli
Natural Horsemanship games. While it’s still hot, I usually go to the barn
about three times a week. One of those days, we’ll probably just continue to
hang out, but I plan to have a goal, even if it’s a small one, for the other
two days.
Sure, you say. Adding something sounds great but how can I
pack one more thing into my full schedule? To make room, I take something away. Don’t tell anyone, but my favorite thing to
get rid of is household chores—I skip dusting, or order dinner instead of
cooking it. I don’t shop or go to the library as often as usual. I also reduce
my TV watching in favor of more enriching activities.
During the Summer Olympics, I watched hours of equestrian events on TV. I got excited watching those experts and their spectacular horses,
and I took that excitement with me to the barn. Whatever your chosen passion, search out someone who’s really good at
your shared passion. Don’t compare yourself or become discouraged because
you’re not as good—be inspired by her or his accomplishments. I’ll never be an
Olympic equestrian, but I can be a
better rider and partner to Tank.
Once a month, I take
a day off. I don’t do anything I
don’t want to do. I don’t clean, cook, do laundry, run errands. I write only if
I feel like it. (I always read!) Sometimes I go see Tank, and sometimes I hang
out at home all day. I try not to get sucked into mindless web surfing, but if
that’s what I feel like doing, I let myself. It takes a bit of life arrangement
to do this, but surprisingly, I find that after just one day in which I don’t
let myself work, I come back to the usual routine with lots more energy and
passion.
None of these tips is revolutionary in any way, but that
doesn’t mean it’s easy to implement them. Many days, especially during the hot
summer months, all I want to do is flop on the couch and watch a movie, or curl
up someplace cool with a book. It takes effort to pursue passions—but if I put
in that effort, that little spark of passion burns up into a steady flame. My
goal is to look back on a passionate life lived—not realize I wasted too much
of my time on the trivial.
What are your tips or tricks for staying interested in your
passions?
Despite the love/hate relationship I have with lists, I’m creating
a new one: The Do Not Do List.
The Do Not Do List has been on my mind for quite a while.
I’ve been jotting down things I won’t do anymore (see below) and I keep
stumbling on articles that talk about the concept, which I think is a rather
important one. Yes, it is important to know what you want to do. It is just as
important to know what you will not do.
There are several reasons why something would land on a Do
Not Do List. I’m not talking about the obvious illegal or immoral things, but
things that, for whatever reason, you choose not to do. Maybe it’s a chore like
washing windows, or a social obligation you decide no longer fits with your
life. Do Not Dos can be as simple as “Do not check email before breakfast” or
they can involve more weighty items related to work, parenting, volunteering,
social or family issues. Each person’s list will be different.
Things for the Do Not Do list fall into a couple of
categories: things you don’t want to do or dislike doing, and things you’d like
to do, but currently don’t have the time or resources for. Think about that
first type for a minute. We’re adults with (hopefully) mature minds of our own.
Surely there are a number of things we do out of habit that we do not need to
do. When we stop doing them, we free up time for more important and enjoyable
activities.
The second category, things you’d like to do, can be placed
temporarily on the Do Not Do List, to allow you to concentrate on a few
priorities. You might develop a “Do Later” subcategory on the Do Not Do List.
This is the type of thing I put on the Six-Year Calendar of Happiness.
The Do Not Do List helps you get rid of activities that are
not adding to the sum of your happiness and productivity, but it also helps you
focus on your most rewarding current priorities by streamlining your To Do List.
Once something lands on the Do Not Do List, you don’t have to think about it
anymore. You should feel a psychic burden lifted from your shoulders.
The Do Not Do List doesn’t have to be set in stone. Some
things might stay on it for a week, a few months, a few years. Possibly some
things will stay on it forever. Reevaluate occasionally to make sure it’s still
working for you.
Here are a few examples of things I currently Do Not Do:
Take clothes to consignment stores. Too much work for not a
big enough return. If I have unwanted clothes, I donate them to Goodwill
Industries.
Read every article in a magazine. It might sound crazy, but I
used to think I needed to read every single piece in a magazine, especially if
I bought it instead of checking it out from the library. I would read articles
that I was not particularly interested in because I was afraid of missing something
I really needed to read, or the one paragraph or sentence that would spark a
brilliant idea. I’ve come to realize that if there’s an idea or important
concept out there for me, it will find me. I’ve also learned to stop reading books
that I really don’t like.
Go on diets. Sure, I could stand to lose a few pounds. I
have several strategies I use when the number on the scale (or the waistband on
the pants) tells me my weight has crept up, but I do not cut out any food
groups, restrict my calories to a very low level or follow someone else’s
eating plan. I know those methods do not work for me. I become instantly
rebellious, hyper focused on food and generally make things worse for myself.
My way is excruciatingly slow (try five pounds in 10 weeks), but I do not
usually feel deprived, and each time I have to make adjustments to keep my
weight under control, I try to make lifetime habit changes. I also try to do it
from a position of love for my body and what it does for me, instead of trying
to punish it. Easier said than done, but I’m working on it.
Wear shoes, no matter how cute, that hurt my feet, legs or
back. I’m constantly on the lookout for comfortable, cute shoes and I’m willing
to pay a bit more for them. So far I’ve had limited success. (Suggestions
welcomed!)
We live in a complicated world in which the ability to say no
to the extraneous and focus on the essential has become a vital skill. We
cannot possibly focus quality attention on as many things as demand that
attention. We have to pick and choose, no matter how difficult that might be
(and I find it difficult). Even if we feel guilty for giving up unpleasant
tasks, it’s still easier to dispose of things we don’t like doing, and much
harder to streamline our enjoyable interests.
What are we willing to give up in order to accomplish something
significant in an area of highest priority? Putting those things on a Do Not Do
List, or even a Do Later List, can help simplify and clarify our lives.
What is on your Do Not Do List?
 |
| Photo courtesy Adam Jackson |
“People are like stained glass windows, the true beauty can
be seen only when there is light from within. The darker the night, the
brighter the windows.”
—Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
