Too much.
My spring break wasn’t really a vacation—my son had already
had his school break and we didn’t go anywhere, but I recognized that I needed
a break from blogging and took one. I didn’t try to fill the days—in fact, I
tried to empty them! But life, as usual, got in the way. While I was “taking a
break,” Scout had some problems and had to go to the vet (she’s feeling better
now) and we helped my son complete a community service project which involved
making 1000 peanut butter and jelly
sandwiches to be distributed to the hungry and homeless. This is what 1000
sandwiches looks like:
I did manage to do a little extra reading (Mr. Skeffington, The Olive Grove), ride Tank several times and make a new vision board (better late than never).
And—ta da—I finished painting my sketches from Sunken Gardens .
The original sketch:
Have you noticed that when you cut back on doing one thing,
something else leaps forward to take its place? The time I spend writing posts
and visiting other people’s blogs was easily consumed by other tasks, and by
the end of the week, I didn’t really
feel like I’d had a break. I extended the break into the first part of this
week, and what do you know? I spent hours on Monday doing errands. Clearly, I
need to work on the concept of taking a break.
This non-break taught me something about myself that I
already sort of knew: I feel guilty if I’m not constantly working to contribute
in some way. Since I don’t have a paying job, I drive myself to work for the
family nearly constantly. I have a terribly hard time allowing myself the time
I need for study, thought and yes, doing nothing, in service of feeding my
creativity and my ultimate writing goals which I am ashamed to say have almost
completely fallen into obscurity. I feel bad about this, and instead of
rerouting my energies to fix it, I go for the more obvious (and endless) to-do
list where I can mark off things achieved and actually see a result—a bathroom
cleaned, groceries in the fridge, etc. I’m having a hard time letting go of
tangible results for intangible ones.