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| Delphi |
From one of my favorite movies:
“You’re looking for obstacles rather than looking for
magic.”
—“Irv,” My Life in Ruins
From one of my favorite movies:
From one of my favorite movies:
Every happy life contains some unhappy moments, hours, even
days. Like everyone, I’ve experienced my share of times when happiness seems
just out of reach—I can see it, but I can’t catch it! I’ve also had to cope
with periods of depression, what I’ve called the dark side. It’s during these
unhappy moments that we most need support, encouragement and comfort, and also
when we’re least able to ask for what we need, let alone give it to ourselves.
I’ve been paying better attention to ways to support myself to keep the dark
moments from becoming overwhelming and lingering too long—preparing support before
I need it. Perhaps these things will help you during your own dark times.
Before
The first thing to do to cope with dark times is to avoid or
minimize them in the first place—at least dark times that are essentially of
our own making. I know I can push myself into the dark side by abusing my body
and soul—by eating poorly, not sleeping enough, over-scheduling myself and
ignoring my deepest needs. When I’m doing the things I know I need, I’m much
less likely to fall into a depression. That means I need to eat healthy, move
my body, sleep, and allow myself to play and to have down time. I also do
better when I’m clear about my priorities, and make sure I take care of the
most important ones.
Even if I were perfect in the self-care mentioned above,
which I’m not, I would still face times of depression. It’s before the dark
side threatens that I list and collect items that make me feel comforted—things
like favorite foods, books and movies that make me laugh or conjure up a
happier time (recently, Columbo reruns—they remind me of my childhood).
Inspired by Gretchen Rubin’s (author of The Happiness Project) Happiness
Box filled with “little trinkets meant to trigger happy thoughts and memories,”
I have hanging on my office wall a display of the ephemera of this year’s happy
experiences—visual reminders of how much good I have in my life.
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| Happy mementos |
Before the dark side looms is also the time to think about
those I can call on for help when I’m feeling down. I still need to work on
this because I tend to hole up on my own when I’m feeling down.
During
When I’m unable to avoid the dark side, I’ve found a few
things that help me feel better. Here are some of them:
1. Wear a favorite perfume—I usually reach for the Tea Olive
perfume I bought in New Orleans a few years ago. Not only does it smell good,
it reminds me of a happy time.
2. Accomplish something, no matter how small. On days when
what I really want to do is put my head on my desk and cry, I choose a small,
relatively pleasant action—file some papers, wash and put away a load of
laundry, trim a spent orchid flower spike.
3. Give myself permission to take it easy…temporarily.
Sometimes a dark episode is brought on by simple exhaustion. A break from the
usual, busy routine should help. I try not to fall into complete lethargy for
too long, however (see previous suggestion).
4. Remember this, too, shall pass. (And if it doesn’t, it’s
time to seek help.)
5. Be kind and gentle with myself. As The Bloggess says,
“Depression lies.” When I’m down in the dumps, I suddenly see all my flaws
glaring at me. Every negative comment anyone has ever made to me comes back,
amplified. I (in)conveniently forget every kind comment and any and all
strengths I have. I know I should firmly put aside the negative voices in my
head.
6. Limit access to bad news—I stay off the internet (unless
I’m visiting a site like Cute Overload or one of my favorite blogs), don’t read
the paper or watch the news on TV. Now is the time to enjoy the comforting items I stockpiled earlier.
After
When I’m feeling better, I think about what led up to the
darkness. Are there any adjustments to be made? What can I learn about myself
from it? Am I consistently ignoring or denying my deep desires? Do I even know
what I want—many people, myself included, aren’t always completely sure.
Am I feeling overworked and overwhelmed? Or am I bored with
life and looking to do something worthwhile, to be challenged?
I wish I could say that I consistently do all these things,
but I’m still learning how to care for myself before, during and after a visit
to the dark side. The very nature of depression makes self-care hard, but I’m
not giving up. Coming out of the dark just makes the light so much brighter.
How do you support and care for yourself during dark times?
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| Me (and Pedro), in front of Grandma's house |
There are many fine poems in which the poet looks deeply
into a photograph and tries to touch the lives caught there. Here’s one by Tami
Haaland, who lives in Montana. [Introduction by Ted Kooser.]
Little Girl
She’s with Grandma in front
of Grandma’s house, backed
by a willow tree, gladiola and roses.
Who did she ever want
to please? But Grandma
seems half-pleased and annoyed.
No doubt Mother frowns
behind the lens, wants
to straighten this sassy face.
Maybe laughs, too.
Little girl with her mouth wide,
tongue out, yelling
at the camera. See her little
white purse full of treasure,
her white sandals?
She has things to do,
you can tell. Places to explore
beyond the frame,
and these women picking flowers
and taking pictures.
Why won’t they let her go?
Note: I'm taking a more relaxed approach to blogging this summer, so occasionally I'm going to rerun a previous post. I hope you enjoy this one, from 2010. I have made a few minor edits, including updating the photos, since it last appeared, and I've added an author's note regarding the progress (or lack thereof) I'm making on my TBR piles.
Libraries also give me a rush. All those books waiting to be opened—and they’re free. I know my 14-digit library card number by heart, and I adore searching the online catalog and putting books on hold. With one click of a mouse, I can feed my habit with books from libraries all over my county.
And buying books online? While it lacks the sensuality of the bookstore, online book buying gives me an additional fix: endless titles and both familiar and obscure-but-fascinating authors to explore. I can spend hours wandering through Amazon or Abe Books or Half.com. Not only is there the thrill of finding a bargain book (May Sarton’s Journal of a Solitude for a penny!), but the additional pleasure of anticipating the arrival of that book in the mail.
My addiction is such that I read at every opportunity, and in every type of surrounding. Along with more traditional places, such as doctors’ waiting rooms or the bathtub, I read while in the gas station car wash (and once while pumping gas), while in line at the drive through at the pharmacy or bank, while blow drying my hair, while nursing my baby in the middle of the night, and between halves at that baby’s football games (he’s 19 now). I once tried to read in a Jacuzzi spa, but found the jets splashed too much water on the book.
I confess that I feed my husband’s addiction as well. Aside from the pleasure I know reading gives him, if he doesn’t have something good to read, then I won’t be able to…he’ll need conversation or meals or (ahem) “marital attention” when I want to read. (Does that make me a pusher?)
I like to blame my mother for my dilemma. I inherited my love of reading from her, but she may have just the slightest addiction problem herself: she once got a traffic ticket for reading while sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic. She had opened a book on the seat beside her, snatching sentences while the traffic remained at a standstill. The motorcycle cop who ticketed her did not approve.
Books started out as my innocent companions—my solace in a rather lonely childhood, their characters my friends and comforters. Coming home to an empty house after school wasn’t quite so bad when I could roam the fields and woods of Prince Edward Island with Anne of Green Gables or feel the wind on my face as Alec raced with the Black Stallion. Books taught me about everything from puberty to how to bake brownies. My desire to travel was first awakened by reading James Herriot’s Yorkshire.
Books have enriched my life more than I can say—but somehow, I crossed the line from relaxing hobby to addiction. For years, I kidded myself, denying I had a problem—until we recently remodeled our bedroom closet and my addiction became something I could no longer ignore. On a free-standing bookcase in our closet, I had stored my stash of purchased-but-not-yet-read books. When I moved them to make room for the new closet system, I found I had 52 unread books. That’s a whole year’s worth if I manage to read one a week!
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| One of the piles |
Author's note: Since I wrote this post, things have only gotten worse. I currently have even MORE than 52 unread books on my shelves, despite participating in two Mount TBR Challenges. In 2014 I have limited my book acquisition to books received from Paperback Swap, purchased from my library's book shop or with my credit at a local used book shop. I'm still acquiring books, but at a slower rate. I don't think I'll ever come to the end of my TBR piles, but my goal is just to get them down to a manageable size so that I won't feel like a hoarder every time I enter my closet.
Some unusual things have been happening in my own back yard.
This plant/tree is blooming:
Anyone know what it is? A neighbor gave us a piece trimmed
from her tree (it looked like a three-pronged stick), and it’s growing leaves
and blossoming. It smells nice, too.
The ginger is blooming:
So is the geranium:
And the angel wing begonia:
One of our sago palms has produced this:
A mature male Sago produces this cone every second or
third year. (Though technically, this is in my front yard.)
On the downside, our dog, who is 15 years old, cut her leg
badly enough to need stitches and a trip to the emergency vet. Then two days
later, she came in from the backyard with a punctured foot—the vet says either a
bite or an entrapment injury. She’s now on lockdown—can’t go out in the backyard
without supervision—which doesn’t please her, but oh, well. She’s pretty much
back to normal, and I’m taking her to have the stitches removed this morning. (I have pictures of those, too, but I’ll spare you!)
Even though I love to go exploring, it’s clear that there are plenty of everyday adventures to be had right in my own backyard.
What’s been happening in your backyard lately?
