“There is little sense in attempting to change external conditions, you must first change inner beliefs, then outer conditions will change accordingly.”

—Brian Adams

Nuthin’ to say this morning, that is. It’s summer. It’s hot. And it’s time to relax. For the next few weeks, I’ll be posting a little less, and Summer Reruns will reappear later this month. I have been working on freelance writing projects, and finished up an essay for a travel writing contest over the weekend (link to come).

Summertime in Florida, with its draining temperatures and wild thunderstorms, is the perfect time for me to let go of my strict schedule, refill the well, and reevaluate where I want to be in a few months’ time. I’m giving myself permission to take time to do all those things.

Tomorrow is Independence Day for us in the U.S., and many people will celebrate with barbecues, parades, and fireworks. My family and I will be celebrating by trying to stay cool, as July 4^th is typically one of the hottest days of the year here in Florida. While I know the U.S. is not perfect, I am grateful to have been born here. I know I have many opportunities and privileges others do not have, simply by the accident of my birth. So with that in mind, I’ve compiled an Independence Day edition of Link Love. Whether or not you celebrate this holiday, I hope your July 4^th is happy and safe!

Let’s start with “10 Great Privileges We Forget to Be Thankful For.” 

Click here for 15 ways to celebrate Independence Day. 

When we went to Washington D.C. a few years ago, one of my favorite experiences was seeing the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights at the National Archives Museum. After all, the Declaration of Independence includes these words: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” You can learn more about the Charters of Freedom here.

Since it’s our unalienable right to pursue happiness, here are some suggestions from Dani DiPirro from Positively Present on creating happy moments.

Here are some (mostly) free ways to spark creativity and fun. 

Since many have died for freedom, not just for the U.S. but all over the world, we can honor their sacrifice by living a meaningful life. This post asks, “If you died right now, what would you regret?” It goes on to list the top five regrets of those who are dying, and some principles for living a meaningful life.

I loved this short video of a horse playing in a wading pool. Even horses like to cool off!

Photo courtesy Michal Kubicek

Introduction by Ted Kooser: I recognize the couple who are introduced in this poem by Patricia Frolander, of Sundance, Wyoming, and perhaps you’ll recognize them, too.

Denial

He called it “his ranch,”

yet each winter day found her beside him

feeding hay to hungry cows.

In summer heat

you would find her in the hayfield—

cutting, raking, baling, stacking.

In between she kept the books,

cooked, cleaned laundered,

fed bum lambs.

Garden rows straight,

canned jars of food

lined cellar walls.

Then she died.

I asked him how he would manage.

“Just like I always have,” he said.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2009 by Patricia Frolander, and reprinted from her most recent book of poems, “Grassland Genealogy,” Finishing Line Press, 2009, by permission of Pat Frolander and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2010 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004- 2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

A few months ago, Laura Vanderkam used a term in a blog post that intrigued me: the remembering self. Vanderkam described riding the train to New York (from her home in Pennsylvania) on a Saturday night to hear a Christmas concert, even though she was pregnant, the weather was bad, she’d endured a difficult week, and so on. She wrote, “The remembering self deserves consideration in decisions too, not just the present self.”

This term resonated with me so much that I commented: “I love the phrase ‘the remembering self.’ It reminds me that often it’s the things we don’t do that we regret later in life.”  She responded: “I think it’s as much that the remembering self and the experiencing self [or the present self] value different things. The experiencing self is never 100% happy, because it occupies a corporal body that experiences little annoyances like an itchy nose, needing a bathroom before the concert starts, etc. The remembering self looks back on the wash of the experience and doesn’t see all of these details. It’s easy to over-value the experiencing self because it’s what we’re currently occupying, but the remembering self deserves some consideration in all this too.” (Read the entire post here.)

Sometimes I let my experiencing self run the show too much. If it’s hard, scary, or uncomfortable, my experiencing self doesn’t want any part of it. (She’s kind of a wimp.) If I let her dictate what I do, my poor remembering self has nothing of interest to reflect on! Remembering self is not impressed by excuses.

All this is on my mind because last week I checked off an item on my summer bucket list: I took Tank to the beach.

All photos taken by Gayle Bryan

I confess that though I wanted (in theory) to take my horse to the beach, I was anxious about actually doing it. I knew it would be very, very hot, I knew I’d be riding with a bareback pad and halter instead of a saddle and bridle, and I knew that my horse can get excited and strong (i.e., hard to control) when he goes to a new place. I knew the trip would take most of a day, and that I’d be good for almost nothing after spending so much time in the sun, thereby throwing off my weekly schedule. I knew I’d have to wake up earlier than normal and to come up with the money to pay for the trip. My “experiencing self” was full of worries and complaints. But I managed to shut her up for a little while so I could give my remembering self this gift.

And while my experiencing self did endure some uncomfortable moments, they’re becoming hazier by the day. My remembering self is already delighted to look back on the adventure and proud of herself for stepping out of her comfort zone. I know Tank enjoyed the change of scenery, but he was less than enamored with actually going in the water, even though all three of the other horses marched right in, and a couple of them went in deep enough to swim. Some of his expressed thoughts:

“This stuff moves. Is it really safe to walk in it?”

“There’s too much slimy green stuff along the edge, it looks like it might grab me.”

 “WHAT IS THAT BLACK THING ON THE SAND?!” (It was a discarded t-shirt.)

Despite his skepticism, he eventually relaxed and splashed through the water with everyone else, and when we were on the beach itself, I gave him his head so he could explore, which he loved. And he especially loved snacking on the patches of grass we found. Instead of merely walking on the beach, we trotted and cantered on the sand and it was totally awesome. Even experiencing self had to agree.

When you feel overwhelmed at the thought of something you really want to do, how can you help the experiencing self to relax so you can give your remembering self this gift? It helps me to learn all I can about the upcoming event/experience, to look for support from friends or family, and to ease into what I want to do in a way that feels comfortable to me. And even if it’s still scary, I know my memory of it will likely smooth over the fear and remember the joy. Some things will just be more fun to have done than to do.

What are some memories your remembering self especially enjoys?