Feeding the wolf

The Wolf You Feed

November 12, 2021

Photo by Vincent van Zalinge on Unsplash

Does it feel like the world has become a darker, scarier place? It does to me.

In a recent conversation with a friend, we discussed, jokingly (wishfully?), going back to a time when we were not as intimately aware of the many problems facing mankind, whether it was because we were younger and more innocent, absorbed in our own lives, or simply because we did not have 24/7 news from the farthest flung reaches of the earth thrust into our faces at every turn. We know that’s not possible, or even desirable, but…

It’s hard to be happy when there is so much misery all around.

Of course, it’s anyone’s guess if the world truly is more miserable right now, compared to historical times that include the Dark Ages, the Black Death, and the Holocaust, just to name three examples. Perhaps we are just more aware of the misery because of that 24/7 news cycle. 

It’s a question I ponder over and over: how to be happy while still having compassion for others. How to be aware but not feel overwhelmed. How to remain kind and open, instead of judgmental and angry.

The story of the two wolves

You’ve probably heard the story of the two wolves (or dogs, in some versions), sometimes attributed to the Cherokee or Lenape people. Briefly, it goes like this: 

An elderly Cherokee brave explained to his grandson that a battle is taking place inside of people—a battle between two wolves. One wolf is evil, representing things like anger, jealousy, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, lies, false pride, and a feeling of superiority. The other represents good: such things as peace, joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, compassion, and truth. The grandson asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The grandfather replied, “The wolf you feed.”

So I’m making a choice to feed the good wolf.

Feeding the good wolf will look different for each person. For me, it means choosing to hope and to look for good, rather than focusing on the negative, incompetent, frustrating, and evil. In my own situation, in order to feed the good wolf, I have to limit:

  • Stories (fictional or real) of mean people doing ugly things to each other.
  • Books/movies/TV shows where one bad thing after another happens to the characters, so that I’m constantly dreading what fresh hell these people will have to deal with.
  • Social media accounts of people with strong political opinions, even ones I tend to agree with overall. Too often complicated situations are reduced to memes, and the comments sections suck me in and stir up my emotions.
  • “Doomscrolling”—immersing myself in the negative news of the day.

What I (try to) do instead:

  • Notice and savor stories about kind things people do for each other, amazing scientific discoveries, beautiful art, hilarious videos. Among other sources, I follow Upworthy and subscribe to the Smile newsletter from inspiremore.com to help balance out negative news. 
  • Practice yoga. Very calming to my nervous system.
  • Listen to music—different types depending on my mood.
  • Learn more about topics that interest me.
  • Do “real” things like planting seeds, spending time with my animals, cooking and baking, even small home projects and repairs. I haven’t made it back to art journaling, but I still want to.
  • Tell my people important things: how much I love them, or how a certain thing they did was special to me.
  • Read a LOT—but carefully curate the selections (see above).
  • Keep track of happy little things. Watching birds and squirrels at the feeders, inhaling the scent of my horse, rubbing Luna’s soft ears, a hug from my husband. For more inspiration, see Ross Gay’s The Book of Delights, which is itself (you knew this was coming) a delight. 
  • Don’t make snap judgments or have opinions about everything. Try to see both sides of an argument or issue. If it’s something I need to understand, I will do research. If it’s not that important, I’ll let it go. There’s no shame in saying, “I don’t know enough about that to have an opinion.” I can’t care passionately about everything. I just can. not.

Finding what works for you

I’m not saying we should ignore the wrongs and suffering in the world in favor of “always looking on the bright side.”  I’m saying we should know ourselves, and what we can handle. What balance we as individuals can stand before tipping into overwhelm. What stories can energize us to make a difference, and which ones will make us crawl in a hole and pull the hole in after us.

I’m saying that if we feed the good wolf in ourselves, then maybe we can feed the good wolf in society in general. If we can seek and be the positive, maybe we can be the people who make a situation better rather than worse.

Wouldn’t that be a nice change?

In what ways do you “feed the good wolf”?


#Gratitude30

Practicing Gratitude: Join the 2021 Gratitude Challenge!

November 05, 2021

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Practicing gratitude is a time-tested way to boost happiness. That’s one reason why I look forward to Postively Present’s annual Gratitude Challenge, which runs for the month of November. I’ve participated in this challenge since 2014, and every year I’ve loved taking that extra time to think about what I’m grateful for. Many people, including myself, post a photo and caption on social media sites like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, labeled #Gratitude30, but of course that’s optional. If you want to check it out, click here for the 2021 prompts. Even if you don’t choose to share what you’re grateful for publicly, you’ll probably find that it makes you happy just to spend time thinking about it. 

At the end of November or the beginning of December, I’ll post a round up of my favorite prompts here on Catching Happiness. I post on Instagram, and if you’d like to follow along, you can follow me by clicking here.

What’s one thing you’re grateful for today? Please share in the comments below.

Interested in past challenges? Click on the year to see the applicable Gratitude Challenge round-up post: 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020. (I participated in 2015, but didn't write a round-up post!)

Happiness

Open the Door

October 29, 2021

Photo by Jan Tinneberg on Unsplash

“Happiness occurs when you forget who you’re expected to be. And what you’re expected to do. Happiness is an accident of self-acceptance. It’s the warm breeze you feel when you open the door to who you are.”

—Matt Haig, The Comfort Book

Errands

Signs of Normalcy?

October 22, 2021


I ran some errands this week. It was very exciting.

If you’re like me, you’ve been putting off errands, or ordering stuff online, or just doing without, because The World is Awful and What Difference Does It Make If I Have Potted Mums on My Front Porch Because No One Will See Them Anyway.

But Florida’s COVID numbers are down, and I needed to drop off some books at the library and buy groceries, so I figured, why not throw caution to the wind and go to a nursery and buy some pretty mums to brighten up our porch and lanai? You know, add a little fall cheer to our décor. (Plus buying fall flowers was on my Fall Fun List.)

So I did. And I bought one of those cute little pumpkins the squirrels love so much (but I’m putting that on the screened lanai instead of the porch, so there, squirrels.)

This week is the first time I’ve felt somewhat normal in oh, 18 months or so, partly because I’m doing “normal” things—buying groceries, decorating for fall, planning a family get-together (someone will see my mums!), focusing on seasonal pleasures like pumpkin spice lattes (had one of those this week, too).

I know in some ways nothing will ever be the same. Still, I’m encouraged to find that the simple pleasures of seasonal decorating, flowers, good things to drink, even running pleasant errands, can bring me joy again after such a long stretch of unhappiness and anxiety.

I hope you’re finding some signs of normalcy in your life—please share any simple pleasures and everyday adventures you’ve enjoyed recently in the comments below!

gratitude

The Things I Take for Granted

October 15, 2021

Photo by mrjn Photography on Unsplash

Last week we had a problem with our home’s sprinkler system, and while we were trying to get it fixed, we had to shut off the water to our house for a couple of days. Every time I went to wash my hands or rinse a piece of fruit I had to stop and figure out an alternative. I take running water for granted.

I also take people for granted. On Sunday, I attended a visitation for the mother of a good friend. One moment she was here, living a vibrant life, and the next she was gone. I take for granted the presence in my life of people I love, including my own mom, stepmother, and mother-in-law.

During the pandemic the supply chain (a phrase many of us had never heard before) has been disrupted resulting in shortages of seemingly random items (cat food, computer chips) and skyrocketing prices (basically everything). As Americans, most of us are not used to NOT being able to buy what we need (and want). Most of us are not used to not being able to do what we want. We’re used to Amazon two-day delivery, the ability to retrieve information online in seconds, and drive-thru fast food. We’re surrounded by miracles and we don’t even realize it. We have taken for granted all the many advantages and conveniences of our society.

And that’s not necessarily bad. Not worrying over and spending lots of time hunting for our basic needs has freed us up to do other positive things. But it wouldn’t hurt us (me) one bit to become more mindful of what we take for granted. To stop to appreciate those things, many of which people in other countries would be most grateful to have access to.

Over the past year and a half, we’ve had to learn how to savor the simple pleasures available to us, to put off others to the future in order to limit the spread of an illness that can be randomly debilitating or even fatal. We’ve had more time to think about what really makes us happy. Like most people, I’ve been changed by the pandemic in ways I don’t understand yet. And though I do still take many things for granted, I hope I will remember days when all I wanted was a drink of water from the faucet, a trip to the movie theater with my husband, or to see my mom in person without feeling like I was bringing a host of frightening germs with me.

I know when things feel safer and more “back to normal” I’ll probably fall back into taking things for granted. But until then, when I put my key in my car’s ignition and it starts, when I flip a switch and the lights come on, or I turn a handle and water pours out, I hope I can remember to be grateful.

What are some things you take for granted?