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| Photo by Ester Marie Doysabas on Unsplash |
“Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.”
—John
Harrigan
When I hear about a book I think I’d like to read, I usually check it out from the library, even if I have to wait in a long line of library holds to do so. Only after I’ve read and loved a book, and know I’ll want to read it more than once, will I buy my own copy. (I must make these rules for myself because otherwise I’d be b-a-n-k-r-u-p-t if I bought a copy of every book I wanted to read.)
But every now and then, a book comes along that makes me break
my rules. When I heard the title of Courtney Carver’s new book, I knew I had to
read it. I also decided to do something I rarely do: preorder a copy. I’ve read
Carver’s other books and loved them, and the premise of her new book spoke to
me, especially in 2025, when my word of the year is ease.
I’m two-thirds of the way through Gentle: Rest More, Stress Less, and Live the Life You Actually Want and it does not disappoint.
Start with rest
Gentle is divided into three sections: Rest, Less,
and Rise. Each chapter ends with tiny steps, and if even the tiny steps are too
much, a single “Gentle” step. Each chapter also ends with a (usually) single-sentence
“Permission Slip.”
“Rest” is first in the book because so many of us are so exhausted. It resonated very much with me because I’m still coming down from the high wire of stress and grief from the past couple of years. In this section, Carver offers suggestions for inviting more rest into our lives—from actively scheduling literal 5- to 10-minute blocks of rest and allowing more margin between activities, to learning to underreact to various situations we find upsetting, and discovering what actually feels restful to each of us. One of my favorite sections of the whole book was the deep dive into “the new rules of rest.” One of my favorites: “Thou shalt ease through hard days rather than pushing through them.”
Less is next
The second section of the book is “Less.” Whether it’s having fewer things, giving less advice, picking up your phone less often, or living with less regret, according to Carver, if you’re stressed or anxious, “The answer is usually less.”
The chapter titled “Release Your Pain” is one I’m still
thinking about. In it, Carver relates that she destroys her journals.
!!! Now, I’ve just moved a giant box of journals from one house to another and
the idea of destroying them is…horrifying to me. But she asks a number of good
questions about why one might be keeping journals, and offers some compelling reasons
for being willing to let go. One reason I’m holding on to mine is to have a
record of my life to look back on, but as she writes: “If what’s holding you
back [from releasing your journals] is the fear of not remembering, consider how you want to spend your time
now and how you may want to spend it in the future. Will you want to spend it
frustrated that you can’t remember things, and trying to unearth your past? Or will
you want to read a book, spend time with people you love, play a game, watch
your favorite movie, or learn a new skill?
As I said, I’m still thinking about this.
Finally, we rise
The final section of the book is “Rise,” and in the spirit
of Gentle, I decided against rushing through this last part in order to summarize it
for you. I did peek at the introduction to “Rise,” and it begins like this: “Becoming
the Gentle You doesn’t mean you have to withdraw from the world. You don’t have
to stop striving for what you want or stop caring.” Carver notes that the
practices from the first two sections of the book will serve as supports as you
“accomplish all that you want to accomplish, not by pushing through but by
easing through.”
Which seems like a good place to ask the question Carver poses earlier in Gentle: “If you were more at ease and relaxed, would you be better equipped to create and live the life you desire?” Something for us all to think about.
I highly recommend Courtney Carver’s Gentle: Rest More,
Stress Less, and Live the Life You Actually Want and will be savoring the
last few chapters this weekend.
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| Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash |
I’ve always tried to make Catching Happiness an escape from the chaos and suffering we see around us in the world, and a small oasis of peace and joy. I find it encouraging that there are always bright spots of happiness, hope, and dreams to be found if we only look for them. Here are a few that I’ve found lately.
Author and illustrator Susan Branch shares many simple pleasures and everyday adventures on her blog. She and her husband have relocated and downsized from their home in Martha’s Vineyard to California, and I’ve enjoyed reading about her adjustments to, plans, and dreams for their new home. “Summer Dreams” is her most recent post.
“Hope in Difficult Times,” Action for Happiness podcast. There were many encouraging takeaways in this episode, so if you only click on one link, make it this one.
In “How to Become Enchanted by Life,” Leo Babauta notes that we often turn magic into the mundane and offers suggestions for how to reverse that tendency.
For science-backed tips to improve your happiness habits, check out “Eight Ways to Stay Happier This Year, According to Science.”
Find more tips for boosting happiness here.
I’m not the only one who comes back from travel inspired. Stephanie reflects on lessons learned from a dream trip to Italy in “Maybe the Hobby Lobby Sign Was Right.”
This doesn’t surprise me at all.
I might be spending way too much time watching the Big Bear Eagle Live Nest Cam, which features bald eagle pair Jackie and Shadow—and their three tiny eaglets!
What bright spots have you discovered lately?
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| Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash |
In the past I’ve shared various definitions and types of happiness, such as momentary pleasure, overall happiness, and long-term contentment. Today I’d like to add well-being to the list. As some researchers note: “Well-being has been defined as the combination of feeling good and functioning well; the experience of positive emotions such as happiness and contentment as well as the development of one’s potential, having some control over one’s life, having a sense of purpose, and experiencing positive relationships. It is a sustainable condition that allows the individual or population to develop and thrive.” I think that’s what most of us are looking for when we talk about wanting to be happy.
A few weeks ago, I attended a webinar sponsored by Action for Happiness called “New Ways to Be Happier” with Vanessa King, an expert in positive
psychology and author of 10 Keys for Happier Living. During the webinar,
she asked the question,
“What practices do you do regularly that you know will help you maintain your well-being long term?”
That’s a question worth thinking about.
My personal well-being practices
The first two that came to mind were reading and writing. I don’t feel “right” if I don’t read and write every day. Reading for enjoyment and escape, as well as encouragement, education, and inspiration (see “Some Books That Saved My Sanity” for recommendations from a particularly rough time).
Writing—journaling in particular—is also a foundational
practice.
A few additional practices are important for my well-being,
too. These include: spending time outside, regular exercise (primarily walking
and yoga), getting together with friends. I also really enjoy art journaling…when
I take the time to do it.
More well-being practices
What practices you choose to bolster your well-being are as
individual as you are. Some popular practices include:
Practicing gratitude.
Laughing.
Listening to music.
Finding an inspiring song or quote and writing it down.
Connecting with your faith through prayer or in community
with others.
Seeking help from a counselor.
Practicing mindfulness and/or meditation.
Prioritizing well-being is self-care
When you prioritize your well-being, you’re taking care of
yourself—your physical, mental, and emotional health. Yes, self-care enables
you to be there for others when you’re needed, but there is no reason to
justify caring for your well-being. You are a person, therefore you are “worthy”
of care, full stop.
When life gets busy, it’s easy to get sloppy with your
well-being practices. It happens to everyone. As soon as you can, though, take
a moment and look inside to see what you need. What is your heart, your mind,
your body crying out for? Rest? A healthy snack? Fifteen minutes with a good
book? A meetup with a friend? A long run (or a short walk)? To stand on the grass
with your face to the sun?
Well-being is a topic I’m going to continue to explore for myself
and for the blog now that my time isn’t so taken up with major life events.
Simply having fewer things scheduled every day contributes to my well-being!
Now it’s your turn: What practices do you do regularly
that you know will help you maintain your well-being long term?
For more information:
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| Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash |
“The people who want to control us through fear and misinformation—the corporations, marketers, politicians—want us to be plugged into our phones or watching TV, because then they can sell us their vision of the world. If we do not get outside, if we do not take a walk out in the fresh air, we do not see our everyday world for what it really is, and we have no vision of our own with which to combat misinformation.”
—Austin Kleon, Keep Going
